NewOne!

2012-02-01T21:36:00.003+08:00

21

In a blink of an eye, we have come to the second month of 2012. Was motivated to update this blog after having a chit-chat session today with my colleagues in school.

So what have I been up to since the last post? Well, I was busy being an Auxillary Instructor (AI) for a combat course for new 8SIR trainees, that took up an entire month. Though I felt really bored going through a combat course again, it did give me a chance to look back on my NS life through the eyes of a commander, while giving advice to the new men that were posted to Clementi. Furthermore, I had the chance to make new friends and build on past friendships, I think that to me was something important that I took away from army after I ORD-ed in December. ORD was bitter-sweet, I finally saw my pink IC again after 22months. It was something great to look forward to indeed. Thanks guys, you guys kept me going through all the ups and downs during our NS life.

Took a break in December and now I've started my new job --- relief teaching back in school. It's been a great few weeks so far, and I've made great friends with whom I don't think I'd ever have a chance to had I not started relief teaching. You guys know who you are! :)

But I gotta say, the best thing that has happened so far was celebrating my 21st birthday! I was fortunate enough to book 2 hotel rooms at Crockfords Tower and I am very grateful that 20/08 and my VS friends took the time to come down and give me an amazing 21st birthday that I will never forget! Also, to my awesome coffee gang, for taking the time to plan all the surprises for me on the day itself! You guys are amazing! Loved all the presents and cakes (Bakerzin!) that you guys got for me! Appreciate it! Best.birthday.celebration.ever.

Here's to the next few months going well for all of us, wherever and whatever you guys are up to! All the best!

I feel inspired to start blogging again after finding out that people still read this blog! Here's hoping I follow through! Now if only blogger will stop being a bitch... like now... Y MY POST NO SHOW UP IN THE RIGHT COLOUR AND FONT???

2011-10-20T23:18:00.003+08:00

The Boys

NS TRANSITION COURSE IS OVER.

YES I HAD TO PUT THAT OUT.

To think 3 weeks ago, I was fretting like a bitch in heat because I didn't know what to expect dipping my toes back to Clementi Camp again after a year and a half! It frightened me. And I haven't done live firings in such a long time. I was as rusty as a fugly AR15. Lol.

But like one of my course mates said, it was like a little reunion for us 8SIR guys because we haven't seen each other for such a long time and it was good to catch up with friends and make new ones along the way. I must say the experience was a rather enriching and enjoyable one.

Learnt new skills such as how to handle a SAW gun (yours truly is SAW gunner, hoorah!), though methinks the SAW is a bitch. Had a tiring section live firing and ended off the course with IPPT and combat shoot, which were both messed up beyond my control. Though the times spent chatting/bitching with the other guys was a truly fun (and dirty) experience!

Almost a month left to ORD on the 5th of December! Let's make these last few days a memorable and exciting one together! HWAITING! (:

2011-10-08T16:25:00.003+08:00

Second Chances

How do you relate to second chances?

"... the fear of failing I can relate to. I do have the sense of wanting to succeed to please myself as well as others. I can understand fully that feeling that the second chance is more frightening than the first. Even though I know what's at stake, I force myself to say yes, because I don't like to be a prisoner to any kind of fear; that feels worse than the fear itself." - Hugh Jackman

What's life, if not for second chances. The ability to right the wrong, to create something for oneself, something that expresses ourselves for whom we "truly" are.

2011-08-23T22:21:00.002+08:00

Didn't I Tell You?

Every story has a time to be told, otherwise you'll be forever a prisoner inside you.

I used to think I had moved on from being this socially awkward and introverted kid, but somehow I feel that nothing has changed. I'm worried, I'm scared of the future after NS. It kinda feels more carefree while I'm in NS now, because there seems to be much less to worry about.

My future seems bleak.

Ever since I had that horrible meltdown in JC1, there's this niggling feeling inside that those dark times are looming ahead, ready to rise up once again and consume me, turning me into someone I don't recognize. Broken in spirit, left to nurse those painful wounds that I can't seem to identify.

NS is ending, the future is just beginning. I don't know what to feel anymore.

2011-08-17T21:28:00.002+08:00

Badass August

I realised I skipped the whole of July without blogging. Decided to blog again because I found out recently that some people actually still read this blog.

Hmm, let's rewind to July for awhile. Well, July was the last month I worked on a 2-shift system. Did IPPT again after half a year, and failed it miserably. Clocked a pathetic 13min 2s on my 2.4km because of a stomach cramp. I feel like such a loser. Well, the redeeming factor was that I improved on my other stations. Glad to say that I could actually score a gold in IPPT if I train my butt off for 2.4km. And shuttle run needs to be improved! Damn unlucky, having to run it so many times. 3 to be exact... got me all breathless after that. Think that was what screwed up my IPPT.

I would have to say July was the month of movies for me? Watched most of the summer blockbusters and rounded it off with Captain America on the final weekend of July. Watched it together with my shfit as it was the last time we would be together as a shift till maybe... November? We'll probably see each other again when our chiong sua course starts! Bridesmaids was still one of the best movies I watched recently!

So far August has begun as a mess. With the new 8SIR schedule implemented et al, just messes up everyone's plans. It's really, really tiring and taxing on one because you seem to be in camp almost EVERY OTHER DAY.

I used to be fine with being in NS with my 2-shift working system, but now I just can't wait to ORD because I feel like my life is out-of-whack, void of some proper order. Oh well, till then! 3.5 months to go! I've still got leave to clear so hopefully that helps.

Recently, I've got back to hitting the books (i.e. reading books) so I think it's really therapeutic. Also, I've been taking up biz finance for my eprep course and I've come to the conclusion that biz is just too dry for my taste! Well, its better to dip your toes in the water than to drown in it right?

Okay, till the next time when inspiration strikes!

2011-06-05T22:34:00.003+08:00

Re-acquaintances?

Recently, I've either bumped into people from my past in person or had some contact with them online. It seems God is trying to tell me that I need to re-connect with my past. Perhaps go through the lessons that were taught to me and repent for my past mistakes? That I'd never know. I'll just let nature take its course.

But one thing's for sure. Meeting these acquaintances from my past have brought about a warm and fuzzy feeling to my heart. I've known them for so long, and meeting them again in the most unexpected places just brings a wave of nostalgia as the memories of the past just flood back to my mind (and sometimes I take a few moments to try to recall their names, oops!).

Time to say hello again to those goodbyes.
And I am thankful for all that's given to me thus far.
May the future bring joy to everyone!

2011-05-20T20:16:00.001+08:00

Creativity

"You have to honor your creativity. Because the minute you don't honor your creativity, it will tell you to fuck off and it won't come to dinner anymore." - Lady Gaga

Yes, ma'am!

2011-05-17T20:18:00.000+08:00

Turning Tables

"Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me

Next time I'll be braver

I'll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet

I won't let you close enough to hurt me, no
I won't ask you, you to just desert me

I cant give you, what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables

Turning tables, yeah
Turning ohh"

Family. Friends. Enemies. Frenemies.

When we meet others, do we put on a facade? Who's the true "You"?

A simple heartbreak, a flicker of light in the distant night. The pain we encounter to the left.

We have all these emotions pent up inside, waiting to burst out and be expressed. But we can't because we'll be labeled, cast aside. Forgotten.

And then one day it will all come together...? Would it?
Or we'd just crack and fall down like the tiny pearls of teardrops from our eyes.
A drop there, a drop here... and eventually it'll disappear as if it were never near.

2011-05-12T19:27:00.000+08:00

Today More Than Yesterday

Indeed.
Thats why we need to take lots of pictures (read: camwhore) more while we still can.

We're plastic but we still have fun.

2011-04-05T17:26:00.004+08:00

Feel My Soul

I think about really strange things at strange times of the day. Just today I was thinking about how people should stay grounded no matter what path their lives take them ---- while I was doing a no.2 in the toilet this morning. Too much information?

Anyway, I was just talking to one of my platoon mates yesterday whom I would say, hasn't been engaging in the healthiest of activities recently. I know, who am I to judge people? But hey, I guess I'm kinda like Aunt Agony to most people. So to cut a long story short (or to cut my pep talk short), I just told him that he should not continue what he's doing for too long, because he's really looking for an early death. Harsh eh? The whole talk about being grounded, I just feel that most people tend to stray from who they are when their lives are turned 180 degrees. I myself, included. And that's partly the fault of NS.

The past definitely helps in keeping one grounded. I think sometimes when people say they want to grow up and move on, they can never really part with their old selves altogether. I guess that's the inherent part of human nature. I for one, have been thinking back to how I've been like, and there are definitely many lessons to be learnt from what I've seen and done in the past. Through that, I want to expand on the good and become a much more wholesome person, both physically and mentally.

Recently, while dealing with some difficult people, it has come to my attention that some people just don't get subtle (or otherwise) hints that they are in the wrong. It baffles me to no end that some people are just so naive and spoilt. It just paints a sad picture of my fellow peers. To be honest, sometimes being straightforward is the only thing that can change others. If that fails, then that person needs a serious reality check because he's not gonna get far in life.

Yes, so back to my life recently. Life's hasn't been that bad. I've been getting along rather well in this phase of my life, and I'm glad that I have the support of my family and friends who keep me in check. It's been more than a year already, time to step up and focus of my future studies that is still a hell of an enigma to me. But I THINK I may have found something that's suited for me.

Doubt is just an obstacle in our lives. We just gotta get around it.

Thing's are gonna be shaken up for this month, and its gonna be a helluva crazy ride!
We're gonna get through this, somehow.

2011-01-30T23:11:00.002+08:00

TWENTY

Oh my gawd, I'm friggin' 20 today!
What a wet and sleepy birthday it is... not what I expected but hey, change's all good right? :)

Thanks to all who sent me birthday wishes! Love you all!

2011-01-25T22:44:00.003+08:00

Run Devil Run

I Like Running.
There I said it. I'm a little bit of a neurotic running snob.
I hate people who think they run really fast and keep cutting into my lane or team up with some other guy and block my way.

Well I absolutely love the feeling of overtaking them in the end. Triumphantly.

I Like Running.
I love thinking about life when I run. When I think of the happy moments, my feet slow down to a leisurely pace as I reminisce about the happy moments. Slowing down, thinking of the old days. Nostalgia. Running slowly seems to slow down everything around me. I wish I could go back to those happy moments and relive them all over again.

I Like Running.
When I'm frustrated and angry. I put that anger into my foot steps. I push down into the tip of my toes and trudge hard into the ground. The running morphs from a slow jog, to a quick step and finally into a burst of speed. Oh how the anger fuels me. Be gone, fear. For my running is fierce. Powerful. Determined.

You better run, run, run.
'Cuz there's gonna be some hell to pay.

2011-01-24T20:24:00.002+08:00

Need You Now

Sometimes you feel the world is crashing down on you, and you feel hapless and lost. Like a lost puppy, you're finding your way, but yet you seem to be going around in circles.

There's this niggling pain in my heart, of solitude, of lost esteem... where have you gone, for I need you now.

Seems that life's been pretty messed up for the past 2 months and I hope it just gets better and we progress along to that very day where it all ends, and a new chapter in our lives unfold.

2010-12-28T15:46:00.003+08:00

251210

The day I spent Christmas in camp. Well, I'd treat it in a once in a lifetime experience because when I look back in the future, I'll be able to tell myself that for once in my life I didn't have Christmas to myself. SAF had me.

Anyway I want to talk about what happened last week. My friend and I were just looking at old pictures of our secondary 2 class and going crazy about how bad we looked when we were 14. But it brought back memories of our secondary school days. So then the most wonderful thing happened the next day when I went to do duty in camp. I was posted to the air force training school for guard duty, and during lunch, I met my secondary school friends! Some of them anyways, but the most coincidental thing was that I met those people whom I saw in the pictures I had in my computer the previous day!

What a wonderful (and small) world. Cool eh?
Really nice catching up with them!

And as usual I can't help feeling inferior to others because I hear that they have scholarships or get into good courses or even scoring well for their exams. I ask myself, what has become of me? I used to be at my peak, excelling in what I did yet enjoying my life at the same time. Now life's just seems so forced on me. No, its not just NS. I've come to terms with it already.

Today, my aunt called and I spoke with her about university courses and retaking my As. As she was saying, "Education is very important, it determines your future, your life." Yes, I know that and I know everyone knows that. But its just my grades.

"You didn't do well for your exams right?"

She said it, straight up to the point. And then the topic of uni courses came up... and money.
I'm not going to make this post a sympathetic one. Though I know it definitely sounds REALLY pathetic right now.

I need to figure out what I really want in life. I need to do it fast. I need to come to terms with myself. God help me.

2010 is coming to a close. It's been a bad year. I hope 2011 works much better in my favour.

Merry belated Christmas everyone!

2010-11-23T10:12:00.002+08:00

Oysters

Recently, I've been reading and/or hearing the phrase "The world is your oyster", which made me wonder what exactly it means and how it applies to one's life. Well, since I'm kinda free this week , I've decided to analyze the phrase and google it of course. Okay, so after some lazy googling, I've come up with a somewhat touch-and-go explanation of the phrase:

THE WORLD IS AN (ONE'S) OYSTER - "If you have a lot of money, you can have anything you want. The proverb first appears in Shakespeare's play 'The Merry Wives of Windsor' (1600).'Falstaff: I will not lend thee a penny. Pistol: Why, then, the world's mine oyster, Which I with sword will open.' Act II, Scene II." From "Random House Dictionary of Popular Proverbs and Sayings" (1996) by Gregory Y. Titelman (Random House, New York, 1996).

: : A second reference says the phrase means: "All the pleasures and opportunities of life are open to someone because he is young, rich, handsome, successful, etc. Shakespeare invented or popularized this expression." From "Encyclopedia of Word and Phrase Origins" by Robert Hendrickson (Facts on File, New York, 1997).

: : OK. I'm confused. Does "the world is my oyster" mean:
: : a. I have money, therefore all the good things of the world are available to me.
: : b. I don't have money, therefore the world is my oyster and I'm going to look for the pearl. OR
: : c. I'm young and good-looking and my mama loves me, therefore even though I don't have money, all the good things of the world are available to me.

: : The world is yours for the taking; whatever you make of it.

Ah-ha, so do you understand the meaning of the phrase now? Haha, Okay, I'm not too sure about the explanation having a monetary link (and the "mama loves me" part... wut???) to it, but I guess money always plays and integral part in our lives doesn't it?

To me, the phrase means that I have keep de-shelling the oyster to search for that pearl because the chances of finding a pearl is definitely not very high. Seems that I'll just be trawling through grains of sand that are embedded in the oyster. HOPEFULLY, I'd find that pearl soon, not now but probably in the future, I will. And I hope that everyone around me will get to find theirs soon.

Now I feel like eating oysters. Oh wait, eating one too many might give one diarrhoea. Haha. =D

2010-11-16T20:28:00.001+08:00

I Am

Yes we should all feel lazy once in a while.
And the wet weather makes one sleepy...zzz. :)

2010-11-01T13:04:00.007+08:00

Ponytail to ShuShu

That's some random Japanese song title from girl group AKB48. Youtube them!

October passed by in a whirl. I can't believe it's November already. We're drawing close till the end of 2010. Uhhuh. Well, family-wise, it's issues, issues and more issues. Dad ended up in the hospital over bowel problems, 3rd brother got kicked out of school because he couldn't get promoted to the sec 3 express stream AND youngest one broke his right arm (yes his writing hand) running around whilst getting a Slurpee from 7-Eleven. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Looks like the only person who hasn't been admitted to the hospital this year is my oldest brother.

2010 seems more fucked up than ever. =(

Just had a recall to camp at 3am this morning, gawd. Had to get to camp within 2 hours. Got there, changed to my smart 4 and signed off with my particulars. Seriously, they called us back just to sign on a piece of paper. Sigh.

Got bitched by the pass office sergeant just when I got into camp. So just because you're new, you get the right to bitch me around? Screw you, I hope you get squished by the conveyor belt of your stupid X-ray machine. Grr.

Let's pray November will be a good month. I wanna meet up with my friends from sec school/JC again! Miss you guys. Tell me asap so I can apply for off!!! Like my friend said, "Off''s an addiction!" :)

And now I shall leave you with a comic strip.

2010-09-17T23:33:00.005+08:00

Psycho

Gurls, are you guilty as charged? (:

2010-09-11T23:13:00.002+08:00

New Directions

Yes yes I need some new directions in my life, people.
After a rather inspiring experience yesterday dancing to songs with my friends I am super duper tempted to go and take up dance lessons like NOW.

And I also want to take up language lessons! Zzz.

I'm just annoyed by the fact that my camp is so unpredictable. For god's sake I might be sent to take up the drivers' course in a few weeks and if I sign up for any lessons now, the course will just be jeopardized by NS. Boo.

I really wanna do something fun and exotic in my life one day. Hmm.

And I better start researching on uni courses again soon. Time will tell and it will take me to the course that will definitely be the ONE. Oh gawd help me please!

2010-09-08T11:36:00.002+08:00

Lonely lonely also can

我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用来我回忆里微笑
我就不相信我会笨到
忘不了赖着不放掉

人本来就寂寞的我总会把你戒掉

2010-09-07T11:26:00.002+08:00

Ch-ch-ch-change

I met up with my classmates recently and I realised that much has changed since we last met each other. It's been what, almost 3/4 of 2010 already and I guess it's time that most people have moved on in their lives. Somehow within that group, I felt lost. Simply because, everyone seemed to be heading into a direction of their own, while I was the only who's stuck in my direction-less life.

It doesn't really affect me much, but instead it got me thinking because I really have to decide what I want to do in my future. Decisions, decisions.

I want to put studies aside just for now, seems I'm occupied with my NS life anyway.
I need some change in my life and I think I'm going to sign up for some courses to enrich my life, which seems to have come to a sad, sad, standstill.

P/S: I don't ever want to step into a hospital ever again for a long time.

2010-08-15T13:07:00.002+08:00

Screwed

Yep. That's what's been happening in camp for the past week. August has definitely been a hair-raiser. Especially with all the thorough 100% checks on incoming personnel. It's stressful especially when you're at the main gate where 12234235346 cars come in everyday. Duty's starting to get on my nerves. And night duty in the wee hour's a bitch. If I don't eat before my duty, I get gastric.. and if i do eat, I get indigestion the next day. (read: stomachache + a hard time in the toilet) Uh-huh.

Not to mention, the weird times when I'm up is taking a toll on my complexion. I always book out from camp with HUGE eye bags and pimple explosions of my face. =(

Sigh I feel damn sad for my platoon mates who kena weekend confinement because of rather, trivial, reasons I would say. Shan't elaborate in case I kena because of this. Sheesh.

True, to some extent, no?

2010-08-03T17:06:00.002+08:00

Hurri-hurri-cane!

Okay so I've been feeling real moody recently and my family shenanigans aren't helping. At all.

Families are so complicated, really. Anyways, I won't elaborate more. It's such a pain in the ass to rant about my family. Because I honestly think it won't change much of a thing in this household.

August is gonna be a relatively interesting month for me.
First up, I'll be consulting doctors/dentists again at the hospital for my wisdom tooth. Definitely need to get my tooth extracted soon because it'll screw up the alignment of my teeth if I don't. That's top priority in my schedule for now.

National Day is coming up. It's my off day on that day so... I guess it's a good/bad thing? At least I don't have to do any duties on that day.

It's gonna be a tough month in August definitely, what with the stepped-up security because of National Day... Oh well. Just gotta deal with the duty timings, hour by hour.

I'm kinda looking forward to taking MC because I need a break. Just not looking forward to the pain. Ouch.

Note to self: BLOG MORE.
Haha.

2010-07-22T18:30:00.003+08:00

New Lease of Life?

I'll treat the previous post as an experiment.

I think I might just restart this blog soon. The past few months have given me a lot to think about and I don't want all those thoughts and emotions to disappear into oblivion. I mean that's what a blog is for right? Penning down one's thoughts and feelings.

Perhaps the past few months have just been a whirl...
Ever felt what it's like to be hollow inside? I have.

Then there's the question of the lack self-esteem and maybe, just MAYBE, depression again.

I am one complicated guy. Save me.

2010-06-15T12:17:00.002+08:00

R.I.P

The time has come to let this blog be put to rest.
Blogger has let me down too many time and caused me too much agony. Rahh.

My new blog link:
http://deluded-me.tumblr.com

2010-05-03T12:20:00.014+08:00

Pegasus Fighting!

And so my Basic Military Training life has officially come to a close after 9 weeks in Tekong. Well, I spent 7 weeks there because of my stupid surgery. Anyway, the time I spent there had its up and downs and we all have to move on in the end right? Our passing out parade was on the 9th of April but I've only had time to update my blog today. Haha, okay I'm just plain lazy.

With that, even though I didn't have the chance to be in the 24km route march and the parade contingent, I did enjoy my time being in the "status warriors" group where we had to carry water and set up water points for the other companies during their rest stops. I think after carrying 80 jerry cans up and down the tonner, my arms have become stronger. Lol.

POP loh! I didn't have a chance to throw my cap in the air but it's okay. I'll throw my cap in front of the mirror and scream like a bitch when no one's looking.

Pegasus Platoon 3 Section 1 fighting! (:

Dad & Mum. <3.

Buddy! Both of us are in the same vocation now. Cool right?

Our platoon best! Congrats!

Now what's a camera without camwhoring?

Yes Platoon Sergeant!

I look stupid here.

Sgt Shawn! Who's coincidentally from TJC as well.

Sgt MJ!

Up up ah! Cool term we've been using to encourage people to give it their all!

Picture with OC Sir!

Sgt Major. Haha.

Lt Jia Liang! I think he's the best officer we could ever have!

Thanks for everything! :)

Anyways, I've been posted to a Security Trooper (Combat) Course which is bloody far at Clementi.Traveling there is such a bitch and transport burns holes in my pocket! So far, it hasn't been that bad. 4 more weeks to go!

I can do this!

PS
The damn fonts are screwed up in this post. :@
We nicknamed our huge field packs the "The Dickhead".

2010-03-25T10:56:00.003+08:00

My Life Rocks

Finally, I have managed to pull myself together and blog about what's been happening in my life the previous weeks.

Let me see, oh yeah, the first week of March was a bust, I missed like half of Field Camp because the damn camouflage paint, mixed with my excessive perspiration, turned into an evil concoction that seeped into my eyes, causing me to have viral conjuctivitis. (In layman's terms, that's eye infection for you.)

That was on the second day of field camp... so I was sent to the medical centre for treatment and the medical officer decided to quarantine me for one night in the sick bay. Gawd, that was the most terrible place ever.. there is NOTHING TO DO but sleep and sleep. I guess that was the whole purpose... but facing rows of hospital beds and other patients just made me feel sorry for myself. Not to mention, the noisy medics didn't help much with the sleeping part...

So yeah, field camp was like half completed but I think I still passed it in the end! After 5 days of field camp, we were released for our A level results. Which was awesome... hahaha! Okay, I kid you, it wasn't all that great. My chances of going to university is slim but I shall make the best of it, yah?

The most I remember of that day was actually Mrs T, my favourite econs tutor. who came up to me and said, "Nicolas, I am so disappointed in your grade for econs." Thanks? I know I sound like a mental bitch and all but that was like stabbing me in my chest and plucking out my heart and then skewering it through my body again. Awesomeness!

Booked in on Sunday to begin yet another mundane week, correction, 2 weeks of BMT again... we were confined for the weekend for situational test which is a test to determine if we would go to OCS/SISPEC, or command school in general. The first 3 days were wonderfully peppered with lots of physical by our superiors who thought that our standards sucked. Well, I actually agree because the attitudes of some people are just downright bad!

Had fun shopping at the E-mart with my bunk mate, browsing and buying army items for our fellow bunk mates who had run out of essential items... I for one, bought camouflage paint... hurhur, the irony of it all.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention that there was a bacteria infection that started growing ON my right butt, (stop asking if I can shit properly or not!) which is an abscess, I think some of you might know it but for the benefit of those who don't, here's the definition from Wikipedia:

"An abscess (Latin: abscessus) is a collection of pus (dead neutrophils) that has accumulated in a cavity formed by the tissue on the basis of an infectious process (usually caused by bacteria or parasites) or other foreign materials (e.g., splinters, bullet wounds, or injecting needles). It is a defensive reaction of the tissue to prevent the spread of infectious materials to other parts of the body."

So I had to live with it for about 3 days because I didn't wanna miss throwing my one and only hand grenade! Which in my opinion, was the only highlight of the week... I tahan-ed the pain which made me spasm whenever I brushed against anything or sat down. At the end of the hand grenade day, I went back to the medical centre, ooh lala, my favourite place now... and the medical officer decided that I had to go to the hospital to get it sliced off.

Yup, I for one have never been to the hospital my entire life and till today I have been there 3 times already. Had "fun" getting prepped for the operation, which included me starving and dehydrating myself for about... 14 hours? Had an IV drip attached to my vein and my abscess burst about and hour before my operation so that was a pus-filled event!

Got wheeled into the operation theatre and knocked out there for about 3 hours? General anesthesia is one amazing drug huh? Haha, it felt strangely calming yet exciting all at the same time!

So till today, I have a 5cm x 4cm open wound on my butt that bleeds like a bitch everyday so I need to go get the dressing changed daily. Oh and on Sunday, after I attended mass in church, all the while praying that my wound would get better, the blood vessels on my open wound decided to rupture just as I was walking out of church, causing my wound to spurt blood like a waterfall... *sigh* I totally get how having a period feels like now. Just that I had no sanitary pad or tampon to absorb the leakage. (Lol!)

Yup, I'm on 2 weeks MC now which ends on the 26th, but I'm going back for a review at CGH again to see what the doctor says. I have a feeling my MC is gonna be extended cos the wound hasn't healed completely yet... great. I might have to end up re-coursing my BMT.

Oh well, for now, I have to spend 3/4 of the time lying down cos I'm afraid my wound starts bleeding like mad again. Shall use whatever free time I have now to apply for university and sort out all the admin shit as soon as possible.

2010 is starting to look BLEAK.

2010-02-28T13:03:00.003+08:00

A Field Camp

That's exactly what's gonna be happening to me next week from Monday to Friday. Imagine no bath for 5 days and having to defecate in some random latrine point in the middle of the forest. On top of them you have to wear camouflage paint on your face, deal with heat rash and probably even rotting skin! There's also the responsibility of taking care of your rifle 24/7, sleeping in a "grave" and having little or no rest at all.

AFTER ALL THAT, I have to collect my 'A's results slip on Friday. Awesomeness.

Oh well, let's pray that I survive through all that shit in the coming week. The previous week wasn't my best I would say, fell sick for the past few days and I think I haven't been putting in my utmost for everything. That said, time to buck up for field camp!

It's already the end of Feb, can't believe that I have already spent almost a month in NS. Love my bunk mates and all their crazy antics and banter! You guys make NS just that much better. Honestly, without my buddy and bunk mates, I would feel suicidal everyday.

Anyways, my company is kinda messed up and I can tell you why. In my platoon, 2 of them have been on MC for the past week. Why? One was sent to IMH for depression and another got suicidal in the middle of the night. Wonderful eh? What NS does to people...

Gotta go pack my field pack and get ready for the next week! FIGHTING!!!

2010-02-01T17:08:00.007+08:00

Oh!

I was really sad on my birthday. Well not the entire day but half of it.

I just got back from KL the night before so I was kinda shagged from traveling on the bus for like 6 freakin' hours, whilst trying my best to ensure that my bladder didn't burst!

Yup, so when I reached Singapore around midnight plus, I was swarmed with messages from my friends wishing me happy birthday. Thanks guys! I really appreciate every message I received throughout the entire day.

UNTIL. Something happened. S smsed and said that she was down with a fever and couldn't join me for dinner. Jeff on the other hand had already informed me earlier that he had guard duty so he couldn't make it. So I had to go dinner with only Wil. Which was okay, I thought, I mean things happen right? Anyway, I was upset because I was thinking why in the world did so many things crop up on my birthday of all days. I really believed that my birthday was jinxed! D:

So to cut things short, Wil led me on a wild goose chase in Iluma and I was already getting suspicious because he kept making me walk up and down floors and going around in circles.
I WAS FUNGRY YOU SEE.

In the end, we reached the ground floor and those 2 liars (jk!) popped out and surprised me! I was totally reeling in shock and then they started singing me a birthday song and all. Aww. Thanks guys I was really touche! So we hopped over to Manhattan Fish Market and had dinner. And since it was my birthday, I got a complimentary brownie with ice cream! :)

Thanks guys for putting in the effort to plan a surprise for me! I'm really not used to such stuff but you guys pulled it off well I must say! Drama sessions paid off! Haha!

I'll definitely remember my 19th Birthday celebration!

Pictures!

Slice of birthday cake!

Acting cute with Shawn!

Who has bigger eyes?

Jeff looks scary here lol.

Group photo! :)

Hehe, I know this is a bit no link to my birthday post but Girls' Generation had a wonderful birthday gift for me, their music videos and live performances of their new song, "Oh!"

Check it out:

Live performance:

I personally like number 21, her name's Yuri!
Who's your favourite number?
Tag and let me know! :)
I think watching their videos too much will make one nosebleed, haha.

PLUS:
Just added Grace Khoo's blog link! Check out her blog yo!

2010-01-30T23:20:00.003+08:00

19th Birthday

I had a really different birthday today.
With lots of mixed emotions and all.
That said, it was special to me.

Happy birthday to me! (:

2010-01-25T18:29:00.002+08:00

When I sit at home too long, my butt hurts.

Yup, that's exactly what happens to me.
So the remedy? Go out with friends so that time passes and you get to spend quality time with them.

Dinner at SC's workplace which was at CHIJMES. Food was incredibly expensive but it was nice. I think I spent quite a lot there but the food really was not too bad. Might go back there for drinks one day! Thanks for the company, guys!

Meeting up with my Holy Innocents' Primary School (HIPS) friends.
See, this is what I call a gathering. Getting 4H to meet up on one day took so much time and effort. This outing was planned 2 days before and more than 10 people turned up. Tsk. 4H friends, YOU OWE ME AN EXPLANATION --- and your presence of course.

Anyways, going back to HIPS indeed brought back memories. Lots of stuff have changed I guess, but I think the memories with friends and the school environment is still as vibrant as ever. We met up, chatted and then had dinner nearby.

We should meet up again soon. Considering our last gathering was in 2007... See you guys in 2012 perhaps?

Lol. Qam is such a mat seriously.
Haha.

Met up with the SLs and the SPSLs for a combined SL/PSB outing last week.
Dinner at pizza hut wasn't what we expected because we thought we could have a 5-course meal special thing but they didn't have it at marina square so =/.

Ate like 2 slices of pizza only. Haix. Haha, but never mind, spending time with you guys was more important right? :)

Yup, so after dinner we walked around to Esplanade area and then literally "relac one corner" in the underground pass where we watched break dancers do their smooth grooves and we chatted for about an hour plus about life, love and our future.

WE NEED TO GO CAMPING TOGETHER AGAIN ONE DAY.
Cos NS doesn't count at all.

Met up with Grace Khoo, Bryan, Junhao and Ade last week at Ehub to pass them their class tees. Grace had to go church so I met her on the bus and then passed it to her there. Brought the other 3 to my favourite korean bbq chicken restaurant where we had dinner. I still like the food there and thank goodness they updated their playlist of kpop songs. :D

Anyway, I don't think I might meet Ade anytime soon cuz she's going overseas.
Bon Voyage and take care!!!

2 more weeks to enlistment.
Time passes by when you're having fun, no?

2010-01-16T10:28:00.002+08:00

Don't be good to me

Stop being good to me.
Don't ever be good to me again.

I get on my knees in front of love.
I don't have the confidence to be hurt.

If your feelings are different,
If your feelings are different from mine...
When someone asks, I'll introduce you calmly,
As just a person I know.

2010-01-06T23:39:00.005+08:00

State of bliss

Kim Tae Woo's Love Rain. One of his best performances ever. I encourage all of you to watch it. And he sings his falsetto effortlessly. One word - Amazing.

It's always nice to watch this kind of feel-good video on a sad, frustrating day like today. Sigh.

2010-01-05T20:03:00.005+08:00

Hell Hole

I like to exercise. I really do. There's some kind of liberating feel to it whenever you have a nice long run, or you're working those muscles of yours while stretching them... in my case, training for pull ups again. :(

Well, not only does exercising help in building my physique, I think another perk of exercising is simply, the time to contemplate. After my run yesterday, I just sat under one of the void decks at my house and thought about stuff. The sky was a dark blue with the sun setting, the leaves of the trees in front of me, waving in the wind...

Then I thought, how am I going to live this one month of mine before NS to the fullest? It seems so empty, yet so full of things I want to do. And as usual, I looked back on what I've done the past year, on whether I've made the right decisions, or even how I could change whatever I have done.

That said, I guess nothing much can be done to undo what I've done... perhaps I need to think of how I am going to live my life in the future. Anyway, to let all of you in on something... I wish I was in NS now. Somehow I think I would be happier in there. I suppose home to everyone is like a refuge, but to me, home is a hell hole. Seriously, there's the endless screaming and shouting and whatnot. All that bullshit is driving me nuts. And I hate being dragged into my parents' disputes. Like wtf.

That's why I'm not planning to get married. Think about it. Nowadays divorce rates are on the hike. Have you ever thought why? To me it's simply the average life span of a person becoming longer. Can you imagine getting married to a person for like, 50 years? Call me cynical or whatever, but don't you think most marriages end when these couples are in their old age? Have you heard of the 7-year cycle of marriage? Yes, meaning every 7 years or multiple thereof, a couple will get divorced. SO WHY PUT YOURSELF THROUGH THAT PAIN?

Not only are you dragging your spouse down, you are also screwing up the lives of your children. Wanna get married? Settle your damn disputes first before deciding to tie the knot. OR get married and don't have children or they will end up just as f-ked up as you are.

I've seen how my own family and relatives are unhappy about their married lives. Even the old generation is having issues. I think, my family is just cursed to have rocky marriages, no?

So much for Holy Family week last week!
I think the reason why the Holy Family is called the Holy Family is simply because NO ONE'S family can be like that.

2010-01-03T15:57:00.002+08:00

Criticism is my best friend

IT IS NOT THE CRITIC WHO COUNTS:

Not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again... who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly.

credit: TIME

2009-12-31T11:36:00.004+08:00

Rounding Up the Year

How's everyone doing? Haha. I've been so lazy to blog these days... Been overseas for the past 2 weeks so that's nice. Anyway, hope everyone's having an awesome time during this holidays and festive season! I shall just post some pictures to round up the things I've been up to in the previous few months!

Lady Gaga's Concert

My BFF and I with our Lady Gaga concert wrist tags. They were like items that made us feel powerful that day! Whoo.

Only Gaga can play the piano with her heels. And it looks cool no matter how disturbing it looks!

Bonus: Close-up of Lady Gaga's butt! (:

Graduation Day 2009

Graduation Day was kinda draggy, in all honesty. Somehow the feel wasn't the same as secondary school. I wouldn't say it was better or worse, it was just different. Plus, I thought the farewell concert in the auditorium was way too long. Anyhoo, had fun camwhoring with classmates and friends and we had a nice lunch at Jack's Place after that!

I choose this picture 'cos I think I look nice here. No weird, awkward smile and hair!

Grace and I! Thanks for the flower, gurl!

As I captioned it on FB, we were attempting to do Wonder Girls pose. But it failed. Haha. And I look bad here. Damn.

Promenade 2009 - Masquerade

So after all the fuss of A levels et al, I attended prom night! It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Besides, I had no intention to attend it in the first place, but due to peer pressure... There I was! Thanks SC, for booking the hotel room so we could prep ourselves before the event started!

And of course, thanks to everyone who made Prom night memorable! xoxo.

Here's how you look himbotic. :)

Guys of table 32! Or was it 36? Haha can't remember!

Me with my "I don't care, eh eh eh eh eh" pose! =D

Drama peeps! <3.

Japan Trip 2009

So 4 days after prom on the 12th of December. I flew off to Japan! Yeah! My second time there. And my third time skiing. I'm proud to say I've outdone myself in improving my skiing skills. Muahaha. After all the fuss about packing and taking almost 15 hours just to get to our ski destination, I must say that the 5 days of skiing was truly worth it! Hwaiting!

Oh, I must add that I like the rustic, close-knit feel of the village I was staying in. It just seems more peaceful and friendly as compared to the ruckus of the city. The food too, was awesome!

My cousin and I! I'm on the left if you must know. Underneath all that fabric is me! Haha! Not to mention the helmet, although being bitch, was especially useful when I bumped my head and some blur angmoh crashed into me. Thank goodness I'm still alive!

The two of us again. This time with the volcano as a back drop. Nice!

Hello Kate! I love little kids when they are bundled up in winter wear. They look like little snowmen that you wanna smack! Heehee. Anyway, she totally knows how to smile for the camera. SO CUTE!

Taking a picture with some salesgirl as Harajuku. Nice outfit, yes? Now I can invite her to clean up my house for me!

I don't know why I did the peace sign. Ok whatever. That's the Imperial Palace as the back drop! Pretty eh?

Class Outing 2009

After I almost died asking for suggestions and countless smses and MSN messages. Only 6 of us went to Sentosa for outing. Oh well. 6 was better than none right? Seriously, 4H people, don't piss me off like that again. At least try to contact me somehow. And if you changed number please update me. Thanks!

Volleyball, frisbee and playing in the sea was load of fun. Of course, catching up with you guys were awesome! Thanks for coming! I really appreciate it! (:

JX acting cool.

Taking a break under the shelter. Lol.

Aww.

Kevin and I. Terrible hair.

I think this is a really bad picture. Like everyone seems so sad and bored and tired. Oh well! Haha. We should meet up again soon?

And *shudders* should I bother to plan another outing in Jan? Those enlisting in army already I'm sorry! We shall see.

And with that, I shall end my post!
Happy New Year everyone! Go party till you drop tonight! (:

2009-12-30T20:27:00.002+08:00

End of Year

Okay this blog has been stale for the past 2 months so I shall update it again by tomorrow. This is a promise to myself! I shall do a rounding up of what has been happening the past few months and hopefully tomorrow shall end on a high note for everyone. Yups. Check back again soon! (:

2009-11-13T22:11:00.005+08:00

Wedding Dress

The Wedding Dress you're wearing...
It's not me. (Next to you.)

... ...

2009-10-12T20:30:00.004+08:00

The Virgin Suicides

What happened to you, Nicolas?

I am really, really pissed off. I will seriously lose it one day, so don’t trigger me. And when that time comes, it ain’t gonna be pretty.

‘Cuz you ain’t got nothin’ on me.

I think He hates me.
Things have just got from bad to worse… and it hurts so badly.
IN.YOUR.FACE.

When will it end?

2009-09-16T11:51:00.003+08:00

Let's lose our virginity.

Just a quick update before I actually visit this blog again for a really long time.

It seems that the September holidays haven’t been too bad with all the studying sessions with K at the airport and 20/08 in school. There have been times where I really went “Why do we torture ourselves like this everyday?” That’s what happens when you forgo sleep and camp at the airport and return home zombie-fied the next day. But I guess K summed it up the best, simply:

“It’s because we’re all students.”

Uh-huh. And this is a shout-out to anyone who wants to do overnight studying at the airport sometime… just give me a ring! Your personal airport tour guide is here to help you find the best studying spots and give you suggestions on where to fill your tummy. That was lame…

And thanks to K, B, and A for studying at the airport with me on Monday. Thanks so much, credit to B for putting in the effort for rallying us together. Appreciate it!

Oh and I wanna add that it is truly amazing when you decide to sms your friend (whom I haven’t met in months) some random message and find out that you’re both studying at the airport after a few sms exchanges! It’s really so coincidental, I’m speechless. Anyways, thanks for the chat with me that day, Matt. All the best for P’s yeah? By the way I hope your friend has recovered from the trauma that day!

Okays I shall shut up now. Good luck all for everything! Au revoir et bon chance!

XO.

P.S. This is my 200^th post on this blog!

2009-09-01T15:00:00.002+08:00

40 Reasons Not To Eat

I'm finally blogging again after so long.
Blogger's been a bitch to me... could not post anything at all!
I had planned to post this since... 8 August!

Got this off Dan's blog! Thanks for the entertaining post!

1. You will be FAT if you eat today. Just put it off one more day.
2. You don't NEED food.
3. Fat people can't fit everywhere.
4. Guys will be able to pick you up without struggling.
5. You'll be able to run faster without all that extra weight holding you back.
6. People will remember you as the 'beautiful thin one.'
7. If someone has to describe you, they'll say, 'oh, she weighs like 100, 110 lbs.'
8. Guys will want to get to know you, not laugh at you and walk away.
9. Starving is an example of excellent willpower.
10. You will be able to see your beautiful, beautiful bones.
11. Bones are clean and pure. Fat is dirty and hangs on your bones like a parasite.
12. If you eat, you'll look like those disgusting, fat, ghetto and trailer-trash hookers on Jerry Springer.
13. The models that everyone claim are beautiful, the spitting image of perfection, are any of them fat? ... NO....
14. Too many people in America are obese.
15. People who eat are selfish and unrealistic.
16. Only fat people are attracted to fat people. Do you want pigs to like you because you are one of them?
17. Anyone can have 'inner beauty,' but few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out.
18. You'll be able to move as quietly and skillfully as a spider.
19. Only thin people are graceful.
20. If you slap a fat person, you can see a shockwave ripple over their skin. That's disgusting.
21. Do you want people to say, 'For god's sake get off of me, you're crushing me; I can't breathe!' or 'You are soo light.' ?
22. Underweight, a.k.a. perfect body.
23. Ballerina? Or beanbag?
24. I want to be light enough so a helium balloon could lift me and carry me to the clouds. . .like in my reoccurring dream I love that dream.
25. I want to walk in the snow and leave no footprints.
26. Starve off the parts you don't need. They're ugly and drag you down.
27. Nothing can't be fixed with hunger and weightloss.
28. Saying 'No, thanks,' to food is saying 'Yes, please,' to THIN!
29. Fat people are so huge, people see through them and it's like they don't exist.
30. The only time people notice a fat person is when they get in the way of that beautiful thin girl walking by. (I know that one sounds horrible)(Oh well)
31. Have you ever seen a person NOT notice a walking skeleton?
32. Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
33. Is food more important than happiness in life? Your appearance to others?
34. Eating is conforming.
35. When you start to get dizzy and weak, you're almost there.
36. Hunger is your friend and it won't betray you like food.
37. Food is mean and sneaky. It tricks you into eating it and it works on you from the inside out, making you fat, bloated, ugly, and unhappy.
38. Think of anorexia as your secret weapon.
39. If you can name one reason to be fat, I will name a million to be skinny. I'll name them even if you can't find a reason to be fat.
40. Thin people look good in ANY kind of clothes.

Time to get rid of the jiggy from my tummy!

On another note, good luck to all facing Prelims this week!
All the best! (:

2009-07-13T18:55:00.004+08:00

Inked

There was a list. A sheet of white paper that lay stationary on the table. Your names were on it. I scanned the list quickly and saw many of your names on it, and then I found my name. There were ticks beside your names. Red ink ticks.

Was it validation?
A check list?
I have no idea either.

But there was my name and only my name.
Yee Zheng Wei Nicolas.
I never saw my name clearly.

Because it was slashed.
Inked and slashed across with a burning red line that cut through every single letter of my name.

What are you telling me?

2009-07-10T19:39:00.004+08:00

Manifestations

The story of the stone cutter:
There was once a stone cutter who was dissatisfied with himself and with his position in life.

One day he passed a wealthy merchant’s house. Through the open gateway, he saw many fine possessions and important visitors. “How powerful that merchant must be!” thought the stone cutter. He became very envious and wished that he could be like the merchant. To his great surprise, he suddenly became the merchant, enjoying more luxuries and power than he had ever imagined, but envied and detested by those less wealthy than himself.

Soon a high official passed by, carried in a sedan chair, accompanied by attendants and escorted by soldiers beating gongs. Everyone, no matter how wealthy, had to bow low before the procession. “How powerful that official is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be a high official!” Then he became the high official, carried everywhere in his embroidered sedan chair, feared and hated by the people all around.

It was a hot summer day, so the official felt very uncomfortable in the sticky sedan chair. He looked up at the sun. It shone proudly in the sky, unaffected by his presence. “How powerful the sun is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be the sun!” Then he became the sun, shining fiercely down on everyone, scorching the fields, cursed by the farmers and laborers.

But a huge black cloud moved between him and the earth, so that his light could no longer shine on everything below. “How powerful that storm cloud is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be a cloud!” Then he became the cloud, flooding the fields and villages, shouted at by everyone.

But soon he found that he was being pushed away by some great force, and realized that it was the wind. “How powerful it is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be the wind!” Then he became the wind, blowing tiles off the roofs of houses, uprooting trees, feared and hated by all below him.

But after a while, he ran up against something that would not move, no matter how forcefully he blew against it - a huge, towering rock. “How powerful that rock is!” he thought. “I wish that I could be a rock!” Then he became the rock, more powerful than anything else on earth.

But as he stood there, he heard the sound of a hammer pounding a chisel into the hard surface, and felt himself being changed. “What could be more powerful than I, the rock?” he thought.

He looked down and saw far below him the figure of a stone cutter.

Perhaps - even more important than the ability to manifest your desires is the insight to realize that they are no better than what you already have. Not better, not worse - just different.

2009-07-06T09:06:00.007+08:00

Poker Face

往往人生有了更多，却越来越寂寞，

如果我们可以用一句"无所谓"面对它，那会多么的美好。

Retail therapy yesterday was supposed to be post-JCTs catharsis for me. Sadly, it turned out the other way round. I felt stressed while shopping at Orchard Tangs. I had $80 worth of Tangs vouchers to splurge but on the condition that the items were nett priced. Well imagine how hard it was to buy things when most of the damn items were on discount. I felt so miserable every time I picked out something, only to have my heart sink when I saw the discount tags. *sigh*

In the end I got myself a new polo tee and a wallet so I guess it wasn’t too bad in the end. But still! I saw this uber-sex metallic shoes and they were about $300 and it was 70% off! I want! I shall earn big bucks next time so I can shop without looking at price tags in the future. Yes yes I will.

And fuck headaches that have been plaguing me the entire week.
I hope this week turns out good. Hail Mary!

I shall post a few videos for y’all to watch to help y’all de-stress okay? ‘Cos they helped me. Enjoy!

Lady Gaga explains 'Poker Face' - Friday Night With Jonathan Ross - BBC One

Charlie The Unicorn

Shun the non-believer!

2009-06-24T19:29:00.006+08:00

Guilt

The clock is frozen in the tower,
The thickening fog with sooty smell
Has blanketed the motor power
Which turns the London streets to hell;
And footsteps with their lonely sound
Intensify the silence round.

I haven't hope. I haven't faith.
I live two lives and sometimes three.
The lives I live make life a death
For those who have to live with me.
Knowing the virtues that I lack,
I pat myself upon the back.

With breastplate of self-righteousness
And shoes of smugness on my feet,
Before the urge in me grows less
I hurry off to make retreat.
For somewhere, somewhere, burns a light
To lead me out into the night.

It glitters icy, thin and plain,
And leads me down to Waterloo-
Into a warm electric train
Which travels sorry Surrey through
And crystal-hung, the clumps of pine
Stand deadly still beside the line.

- John Betjeman

2009-06-21T11:24:00.006+08:00

<39

This past week zoomed by really quickly. Yep, I didn’t think I was very productive throughout the entire week, what with major splitting headaches plaguing me on a few days. I couldn’t concentrate on my revision because of that… *sigh*

Anyways, the good that came out from that week was meeting my friends again. Managed to spend a day with my friends for a movie outing and then I met like many other VS/TJ people during my NS medical check up (how coincidental!) and also when I was hanging around Parkway. Special mention must go out to the people I met during my check up because I truly expected to be alone that day. Thanks, you guys brightened my day(s). You know who you are.

I had a bad dream a few days back… I dreamt of my Civics Tutor and I was telling her how I managed to pass Math and I actually did well for it. Then she responded that I did fairly well for the rest of my subjects… all but chemistry, which was the subject that she teaches. Not only that, I did even worse than I did before! Shit.

Okay, either I’m too fucking stressed, or I’m just fucked up like that. Damn.
I hope I don’t do too badly for mid years seriously. I’ll just die.

Wish me luck. And good luck to you guys too.
God bless and study hard!

On a random note, have you guys checked out Cao Ge's latest album yet?
The album packaging is so cool! It's plastic wrapped like the items you find in a supermarket! Coolness, eh?

P.S. Happy Fathers’ Day!

2009-06-09T21:18:00.002+08:00

寂寞先生

好奇杀死猫，寂寞杀死一个人。
当所有说出来的话都不能再被人所理解，
当所有的能力都成了与世隔离的一道墙；
好像如果现在就这么挂了，
也不会有一位神父愿意替你送葬。

On another note,
Happy belated birthday, Daddy!

Care Rep handover was yesterday. Love you guys!

I am sad.

2009-06-05T21:48:00.006+08:00

Cheap

A little bird dropped me this information a few days ago. This incident occurred in one of the top schools in the East.

Well, there was this couple who I would say, is rather high up the social ladder in that particular school. Now, like most teenage couples, there’s always the temptation to get up to no good, right? Apparently, this couple was engaging in an overzealous make-out session in a classroom of the school. (Just imagine…)

No points for guessing what happens next!

The couple was caught red-handed of course, duh. What would you have done in such a situation? It's hard to run away when you're probably all horny and stuff, oh wait, to even think!

Well, well, when caught red-handed, the girl replied oh-so-nonchalantly,

“I was trying to get a better look at his teeth!”

Oh my, you can have a better look at someone’s teeth when you shove your tongue down his/her throat now, it seems. That’s something I should try someday… hmm.

Gives new meaning to the term, “bird brain”, huh?
Cheap, cheap!

2009-06-04T20:52:00.000+08:00

Dear Someone

Dear Someone,

We all thought you had changed for the better. I thought you had changed for the better. It’s been quite a while and it seems those childish antics still remain. I almost feel sorry for you. As of now, I’ve had enough. I refuse to be part of your game of hide and seek. I refuse to be a pawn in your game. I refuse to be manipulated by you. What, huh? What are you gonna do? Your efforts are pathetic, pathetic! Seriously, silence isn’t always golden. It borders on cowardice and it disgusts the shit out of me. I don’t have to request. I don’t have to plead with you. I don’t have to get pissed at you and beg like some bitch.

I may not know what’s going on but it’s just a crime and a shame to see a bright future fizzle out just like that. With hopes and dreams pinned on all our shoulders, it’s just so sad to see yours go up in smoke and become part of the distant clouds…

Alas, I have decided.
From today, no wait, 2 days ago.

Dear Someone,
You are officially tried, tested and detested.

Congratulations.
Have a good life.

Yours truly,
The subdued bitch… till now.

P.S.
I hope all you mofos out there read this! Wahahaha.

2009-05-26T21:27:00.004+08:00

Off I Go

We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future, as if figuring it out will cushion the blow. But the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and wildest hopes. But one thing is certain when it finally reveals itself. The future is never the way we imagined it.

Loose ends they tangle down
And then take flight
But never tie me down
Never tie me down

Loose ends they tangle down
And then take flight
But never tie me down
Never tie me down

Off I go
Where I fall
Is where I land

Off I go
Where I fall
Is where I land

Loose ends they tangle down
And then take flight
But never tie us down
Never tie us down

Loose ends they tangle down
And then take flight
But never tie us down
Never tie us down

Off I go
Where I fall
Is where I land...

"Did you say it?
'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life.'

Did you say it?
Make a plan.
Set a goal.
Work toward it, but every now and then, look around;
Drink it in 'cause this is it.

It might all be gone tomorrow."

2009-04-30T23:30:00.003+08:00

It'll be like secondary school all over again

I'm back to this dusty blog of mine again! Just to keep everyone updated of the events that occurred in April!

April zoomed by really fast, with stuff hitting me in the face fast and furious. I'm just glad that I survived through all that.

Anyways, I haven't got much to say really. I'm not so much into blogging nowadays. I probably need to spend time on other things apart from blogging. It's probably something I'll have to forgo for a while yeah?

April kicked off with Duathlon 2009 organized by TJC's OAC. Got the chance to emcee once again for the event as my friend needed emcees on a last minute notice so I agreed! Had an awesome time doing song dedications and rah-rah-ing the crowd with my awesome co-emcee, Shawn!

Met up with some VS people as well! Great job everyone! Duathlon 2009 was a success! Thanks Jo for giving me the opportunity to emcee for a public event!

Shawn and I goofing off!

Qamarul and I!
I got slimed by Qamarul!
He hugged me when he was all perspiring and stuff! Eww.

Now that's how you carry off a drugged look.
As exemplified by Jun Jia!

-

The following week, Hans called me and invited me to surprise Ms Tang for her birthday!

Yep, her birthday was on Easter Sunday! So Hans, Chin Boon and I camped somewhere secluded while Ren An and Gabriel pretended to "interview" Ms Tang!

Dropped the surprise on her half way through the interview and we all sang her a birthday song! Spent the rest of the time chatting and catching up with the rest. Even though I was outnumbered by the Victorians 5-1! Heh.

Happy Birthday Ms Tang! =)

Finally, one last big event for the month! VJ Drama Nite 2009!
Enjoyed myself tremendously watching their first ever musical and catching up with everyone all over again!

Thanks for making that evening special! =)

Matt, me and Kevin!
Happy belated Matt!
You're legal now! Haha!

Okay I shall end off here! Have a wonderful May Day everyone!
I envision lots of tests in May! Whoopee.

P.S.
Anyone notice anything different about me when looking through the photos?
=D

2009-04-04T22:35:00.002+08:00

I don’t know.

Perhaps it’s time for a change.
Perhaps I need some self-evaluation, or something.

Why does it hurt so badly?
My insides, feel scrunched and pained.

Oh gosh, Nicolas, you stupid fucktard.
Get your act together or the only one who’s going to be biting the dust it you, you, YOU.

And honestly, no one will care.
Perhaps, it’s time to go back.

Au revoir, mes amies.

2009-03-29T20:06:00.003+08:00

Bless the Broken Road

Carrie Underwoord & Rascal Flatts - Bless the Broken Road

Beautiful, moving performance.
Sometimes we try so hard to build a foundation but it ends up cracked and broken.
Maybe, maybe. We need to try harder...

2009-03-28T11:09:00.002+08:00

Temasek Talent Time 2009

2 weeks later.

Even though I didn’t get the chance to participate in talent time, I was happy to be part of the event as the emcee. Co-emceeing with Nicholas Eng. Well, SC thought that having 2 Nicks emceeing would be humorous so… er, search me.

So after countless rehearsals and getting bombarded with comments like “You guys suck” and other really nasty stuff… we managed to pull off the entire event! Hopefully everyone enjoyed themselves and I hope the audience actually found us humorous!

But I must say there was a lot of talk about the judges’ comments and the performances because even though there were smiles, laughter and cheers on stage… back in the holding room, there was a lot of tears. Yep.

All in all, I thought that talent time brought all of us closer together because we all wanted to do our best. And I got to know more of my juniors as well, give them encouragement (they were all freakin’ stressed) to spur them on.

Anyways, now that all these big events have died down for now, I might take a back seat. Talent time would most probably be the last time that I will be emceeing. Yep, unless there’s another really big opportunity to emcee again, I’ll just pass and concentrate on Drama.

It might be a blessing in disguise after all. (:

I look tired in this photo. Big eye bags. =(
This is a picture with the acapella group, Donutella!
Cute outfits right?

Aver and I!

Nick & Nick!
Talent Time Emcees! :D

2009-03-27T11:20:00.001+08:00

Protease & Lipase

I’m in two minds as to whether I should be blogging right now because I am so not in the mood. I don’t know why I just have this inexplicable lump of sadness in me since yesterday. My heart hurts, my stomach feels like a malfunctioning washing machine…oh and I constantly taste blood in my mouth because my fucking gum is bleeding.

You know, I enjoy seeing myself bleed once in a while. It reminds me so much that I am human and I have blood coursing through me… sustaining my life. Anyway, I wasn’t in the mood already and then I decided to go on Facebook to attempt to socialize but nooooooooo, I go to my wall and see that I’ve been flamed. Thanks, like I need more things to worsen my day. Not to mention whatever this person said is entirely not true, it’s but a fucking misunderstanding!

So much for being “friends” on fb. Hah!
Why do I even bother sometimes? Why why why.

I feel like going up to somebody insult his ass off and then proceed to totally bash him up and just… ARGH!

Someone call up the doctor. I need Prozac. Stat.

2009-03-08T14:43:00.003+08:00

Love your enemies

Have you ever watched a movie about a superhero and wondered how they lived through all those adventures? They get shot at, blown up, fall from twenty storeys, and still finish without a scratch. We may think about these stories ---- as pure fiction, or at best, unreasonable exaggeration. But you don’t have to Superman to love your enemies.

So how do we do it?

With a dose of reality.

Unlike superheroes, we don’t heal so easily. That’s the dose of reality. We may even want to forgive someone, but their actions have left scars on our hearts, and those scars don’t go away by themselves. We may have been devastated by a heartbreaking divorce, the loss of a job, a loved one’s untimely death or even the inability to achieve the results you hoped for.

Perhaps we were abused, rejected or betrayed by someone we trusted. To one degree or another, we all carry these kinds of wounds.

We may have resigned ourselves to carrying these wounds around, and we may even think they are just part of life. But the truth is, these scars can block our ability to see, feel… love.

If something is holding us back, we have to struggle and fight to set ourselves free.
We are all seeking comfort, guidance and we all hope that the pain will be alleviated.

Listen to your heart, for I am trying hard to listen to mine.

2009-02-28T21:20:00.002+08:00

You're so stuck up.

And we say goodbye to February.

February has definitely been a wonderful month. There was orientation, road run and not to mention the crazy number of tests we had to deal with, at least once per week. I would say it’s definitely a new kind of stress experienced for me. I don’t know about others but oh well, I don’t really want to know.

Things that came to my attention in February:
(These are my opinions so screw off if you don’t agree with me.)

- My essay writing skills suck. I think my GP tutor dislikes my essays.
- My Economics tutor picks on me.
- I have more fans. No, I don’t mean it in a good way.
- I’m falling sick really easily.
- I hate it when people ask me to keep quiet when they are obviously in the wrong. I’m sorry I corrected you and I’m sorry that I actually bothered to give a flying fuck in the first place.
- I am awfully busy.
- I have no social life outside school.
- Ok, I sound all whiny now so I shall shut the hell up. =/

Sometimes I just feel like a rock that is hurled around.

I want to be optimistic for everything that is coming up in March. But it’s definitely going to be a trying time. I’ll do my best, yeah? And all of you should too.

Give me the strength to look beyond my own world.

“If anyone wishes to be first, he shall be the last of all and the servant of all.” [Mark 9:35]

It is humility that wins the day, not prideful competition.

Help my unbelief!

2009-02-21T08:41:00.007+08:00

Orientation Undefined: Ignite The Infinite! 2009

Ok so I know this is overdue so I'm just going to post some pictures of Orientation!

OG 12 BAIK!!!

"Okay, okay! Arrange from shortest to tallest!"

20/08 OGLs! (:

Daekaron house come out to fight!

Lynette and I!

Daekaron OGLs!

Camwhoring with Ser Yang! Haha.

Helloooooooo OGMs!

Battle of the cheekbones!

Let's examine how many things are wrong with this picture.

OGMs!

OG12 OGLs and Janna the OGM!

Chuck, me and Liang Kai.

Lwin and I!

One last group photo! (:

Thanks for the wonderful time everyone!

2009-02-14T19:34:00.003+08:00

Blind to blindness

Treasuring people is a gift that we possess, but more often than not, forsaken.

Loving, hating, missing and even murdering someone, takes courage.

You never know when something may zoom past, and life bites back when you least expect it.

No matter what, I try my best to find comfort in the ugliness of it all.
Too much energy is spent worrying about what I have to do but rather, I should draw strength from any downfalls and use that to spur me on to do even better.

There was fun, laughter and joy...
There was fun, laughter and joy...
There was fun, laughter and joy...

2009-02-03T20:19:00.003+08:00

永遠

BoA - Eien

Awesome birthday present from BoA for me!
I just adore the dancing!

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Today wasn't a very good day at all.
I just felt all superficial, vulnerable and tainted.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

2009-01-31T22:52:00.009+08:00

Teppanyaki & Carrot Cake

I’d first like to start off this post by thanking everyone who made my birthday yesterday a special one.

Here’s a big shout out to:

20/08 people!
Drama Clubbers!
VS people!
Wangz!
Ms Li!
My relatives!
My family!
G!
K!

Thanks for all the birthday wishes and presents!

Had a long day in school yesterday. After lessons ended, I still had to attend mass dance practice which was really tiring! Didn’t really have the mood to dance…

Anyways, I thought Ade, Grace and I were just going to have a nice dinner together so we decided to go to Tampines mall. All the while I thought we were gonna eat teppanyaki so imagine my surprise when we walked past Fish & Co. and I saw Bryan there! Siew Chi joined us too!

I was like OMG!
I really, really didn’t know!
It’s the first time I ever had a birthday surprise!

So we had a nice dinner and camwhored a lot and made like damn a lot of noise in the restaurant. Haha I think people were staring at us. Then they surprised me by ordering a nice carrot cake for my birthday cake! I really was too full to finish it on my own so we all shared the cake!Oh yeah, they also sang a birthday song for me right in the middle of the restaurant and I was like so paiseh! Haha!

After that, they surprised me again with presents! Wahh!

Thanks alot to Ade, Bryan, Grace and SC for the dinner! =)

Pics!

All smiles here!

Numbering off!

Bryan does his best impression of how Grace smiles.
Grace does... err... her best unglam Grace pose!

See the similarity of their smiles?
Heh.

Put that down, Grace!

This was supposed to be a "dao" shot but Ade looks like...

(-_-)

Ok now, I'm gonna get scolded by her for posting this!
=X

Group hug!!!

I look alien-ish here... freaky!

Thanks for the carrot cake! (:

Grace and her violent tendencies.
Tsk!

"How to attempt to look seductive while eating ---- and failing."

Once again, thanks a million guys and gals! (:

P.S.
I'm so glad the service learning report and poster are complete!
Thanks for everyone's contributions!

2009-01-30T22:18:00.002+08:00

18.

Thank you everyone for all their birthday wishes!
Thanks for all the presents that you guys got me too!

Today was rather blah until dinner time!
I got a really, really uber big surprise!

It made my day!

I’m too tired to blog more now so I shall end off here!
Shall post more another day!

Love y’all! :D

P.S.
I shall not attempt to try any activities that are legal for me now!
Haha. Not just yet! =)

2009-01-24T12:03:00.004+08:00

Chinese New Year 2009

I must say that this year’s CNY celebration was way better than last year. It was really awesome to pull off Drama’s CNY skit for the whole school because we have been working really hard to make sure that we were all prepared and getting all our dialogue down pat.

I hope everyone enjoyed Drama’s performance! I heard laughter from the audience so that’s good right? (I’m so not gonna be ang moh anymore. Sheesh!)

So after the performance I went around splurging on the carnival food and drinks and hung around to watch teachers and students get dunked in the dunk tank. That was hilarious!Oh yes, the water orbs thingy looked really fun too. For those of you who don’t know, people step into this huge inflated plastic ball and then get to float and spin around on water. Too bad I didn’t get a chance to play it!

Took part in the CNY telematch and stuffed my face with yusheng cos we were playing 1, 2, 3 wooden man and we had to run to the end of the line and shove yusheng into our mouths. Haha. Good job, guys!

Helped out with TJC’s Amazing Feet by placing shoes to create the logo and I also helped to clear the shoes at the end of the event with my classmates. That was really some back breaking work man!

After everything, I went out with Bryan, Ade, PX and Cheng Nee for lunch at Parkway’s Jack’s Place. We spent like a really long time there ‘cos we chatted for uber long after our lunch. But it was sooo funny to share stories from our past! Oh oh! And Ade wasn’t really herself yesterday too! Must have spent too much time under the sun! Heh.

Putting the stuffed animals in some really, really, compromising positions.
And I caught them on camera!

The YOG 2010 logo made out of shoes!

Me, Heng Yue and Pearlyn.
I like my frog.

Class pictures!
Not the whole class but that's alright! (:

That’s about it! (:
Happy CNY everyone!

“Can you speak Chinese now?”
- My school DM, upon seeing me in the canteen

2009-01-17T22:01:00.001+08:00

Didn't We Almost Have It All

“So much in life is about almosts, not quites.”
“Like the moon,” I said.

There it hung, a thin slice still low in the sky.

“Right,” he said.

“The moon is whole all the time, but we can’t always see it. What we see is an almost moon or a not-quite moon. The rest is just hiding out of view, but there’s only one moon, so we follow it in the sky. We plan our lives based on the rhythms and tides."

“Right.”

- The Almost Moon, Alice Sebold

2009-01-11T19:22:00.002+08:00

Wide Open Windows

Hmm, I’ve been exploring the emptiness of this blog for awhile and I must say that staring into blank spaces is kinda comforting. Anyways, I don’t think I’ll be blogging about anything today so I’ll just be a lazy bitch and copy and paste materials that I found online.

Grey's Anatomy, Meredith Grey:

“A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo?

The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day.

Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.”

Yup, hope that enlightened you in more ways than one, because it worked for me. It made me treasure my life just a little bit more.

Here’s a big shout-out to all O level-ers out there!
All the best for your results tomorrow!
Jiayous and God Bless! (:

2008-12-30T22:22:00.002+08:00

Beverly Hills

Universal Studios fountain.

The entrance to the studios.
The theme for this year was centred on the Grinch.

Hiyaa prettay lady!

My Grandpa being attacked by a shark.
Lol.

So we went on the studio tour and our first stop was this mechanical bridge that snapped when our tram went over it.

Back to the future car!

Stunt cars used in Tokyo Drift.

Look at them hurtling at us!

A peaceful road.

Flash flood!!!

Choo choo!

An European street set.

Subway flooding!

Jaws set.

The pier exploding in flames!

Rawwr!
The stupid mechanical shark was right beside me... ugh!
I got splashed by the water... =/

Welcome to Wisteria Lane!
*plays Desperate Housewives theme song*

One of their homes!

Grinch set!

Aww!

Don't kill me!!!
Psycho set.

War of the Worlds set!

Guys, say hi to Frankie!
Frankie just decided to grope my arm. (:

The Simpsons simulator ride!
It was great!

Waterworld show!
The audience gets drenched by the actors at some parts!
Look at the rainbow!!!

Boom!

Haha, what can I say?

Backdraft set!
It was sooo hot in there!

Special effects studio!
This is the horror department!
Ooh-ness!

And the Best BFF award goes to...

=)

2008-12-28T10:55:00.002+08:00

Vail, Colorado

Vail - Like nothing on Earth.
Yup, that's the slogan for the town in Colorado because it has about 190+ slopes on the mountains and if I'm not wrong, it's the place with one of the most slopes in the world!

I didn't take alot of pictures because I spent most of my time skiing. But hey, I've always felt that such things should be taken in through one's eyes. That'd make it special, right?

By the fire place.
It's COLD!

I'm such a sucker for awesome desserts.
XOXO.

Taking a picture with my cousins by the X'mas tree in our hotel!

Wintry scenery.

I ate at this wonderful restaurant up on the mountains!
It's called Wildwood restaurant.
Great food.
It's always nice to have a warm meal in the freezing weather!

I heart my ski suit!!! :D
I'm wearing 4 layers for my top, 3 layers for the bottom and 2 pairs of super thick socks!
Now that's how cold it was... haha!

With my ski instructor for the day, Jim!
Thanks to everyone that day for helping me out!
Big shout-outs to Bob and Bryan too! =)

More X'mas tree photos!

Yo Einstein!
My best bud, y'all!

Disney, Disneyland!

And so we jetted off to Anaheim, LA to visit Disneyland!
In the cockpit with the 2 pilots!

Look at all the buttons/switches!

Disney's Californian Adventure Park!

X'mas tree in Disneyland!

This is MY CASTLE!
Shoo!

Now we're entering Storybook Land!
Here we see miniature versions of castles and homes of Disney Characters while riding on a boat!

Alladin's Castle!

Cinderella's castle!

This one, I can't remember whose castle it is! Heh.

Space mountain ride!
The ride is supposed to make you feel like you're on a rocket that's launching into space!
Great lighting effects!

Finding Nemo Submarine Ride!

Family pictures in the submarine!

Looking through the windows...

Welcome to the Haunted Mansion!
Muahahaha!

Nightmare before X'mas!

Indiana Jones' Ride!

Relics and stuff in the tomb.

Night time light up of the castle!

Roller coaster picture!
Haha, don't I look windswept?
Unglam!!!

Night time parade!
This is the Big Ben!

Dragon! Rawrr!

American themed float!

Band parading down the street!

Star Wars ride!

Look who I found!

Set-up in this place called the Innovention room.
If only I had so many computer screens...

Finally... presenting to you a Jedi Knight!!!

...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...

...
...
...
...
...
...
...

Just kidding!
It's my cousin who is trying to look sinister with his light saber!
Haha!

Stay tuned for my last set of pictures! (:

2008-12-27T11:04:00.003+08:00

Viva Las Vegas

I'm finally able to blog again after the jet lag has worn off. Ugh. Been jet lagged for the past 2 days!

Okay, I shall split my holiday pictures into a few posts so I'll show you pictures from different parts of the States that I was in. Let's start off with Vegas!

With my dad in the limo that came to pick us up from the airport after our flight.
Excuse the drugged look, I mean it was a 22-hour flight.
I felt so gross!

After reaching the hotel, we were whisked to Joȅl Robuchon's for the dinner!

What's this?!
*Scrambles for the menu to check*
This is like a foie gras dish with truffles (the dark brown stuff) with gold shavings.
Er, gold doesn't taste that great.

Kobe beef!!!
Great with red wine!

Chocolate fudge!!!

David Copperfield's theatre at MGM Grand.

Guns at the firing range!
Take your pick!

Remember your protective gear!

Wahhaha!!!
Look at the shell near my hand!

I'm here for the kill!

My Bro and I.
Now what's that we're standing in front of?

Ta-dah!
The sexy Limo-coach!

Mini-bar in the coach.

The interior of the coach.
See the wavy lines near the circular lights?
Those are handle bars for you to hold on if you feel like doing a little bar-top dancing! ;)

Best fast food restaurant ever.
The rest of you lousy fast food restaurants...
Bow down or bow out!

On the pirate ship at Circus Circus!

The spectacular stage of the Cirque Du Soleil show, Le Rȇve!
In the middle is the floating bed that is one of the props!

The beautiful drapes that got sucked into the ceiling and turned into...

THIS!!!

With one of the cast members of the show Stomp Out Loud!

The sign reads "Bridesmaid Ave".
Too bad it got lost in the flash!

On the streets of Vegas!
Look at the couple snogging on the screen behind me!!!

It's the Eiffel Tower!

Awesome fountain display!

Pictures taken in Caesar's Palace!

Mum and Dad.

I think archery is way cooler than shooting, don't you think so?

Dinner at Wing Lei!
The Hong Kong restaurant in the hotel.
We had the entire restaurant to ourselves that day!
I want the balloons!!!

Family picture!

Cousin-ly picture!

Bird's nest in a papaya!

Pretty Birkin cake!

Roulette table cake!

A slice of those crazy looking cakes!

Playing Wii Sports in the game room!
That's tennis by the way.

The uber sexy hotel villa that my uncle stayed in.
10,000 square feet of space!
My gosh.
And I thought the suite I stayed in was big.

Wynn Hotel that we stayed in.

Macy's.

Saks is the sex!

Private jet! Woo.

Looking unglam...

The tv screen charting our course to Vail, Colorado!

Will return with more pictures!

2008-12-17T14:20:00.002+08:00

Ye old shit turns.

How y'all bitches doing, y'all?!

Finally had the time to blog again. Gosh, it's so hard to get a computer around here. So let me continue from here. Watched Twilight at some hotel in Vegas that day and I thought the movie was so-so. Seriously, it was really slow moving at the start of the movie and it only got more exciting towards the end. Overall I didn't like the movie. I should have watched Bolt instead. Now at least the dog is adorable as compared to... never mind.

Moving on, we went back to the hotel to take a short rest before heading over to Mandalay Bay to watch Mamma Mia! the musical. IT WAS AWESOME. I loved how the announcer started the musical by announching, “Please be warned that this production features platform heels and Spandex.” That was funny! It's hard to compare with the movie because they're both really different and unique mediums. There were more songs in the musical and many other scenes that were not included in the movie. Not to mention there were really much more sexual innuendos in the musical than in the movie. Not that anyone was complaining, if you know what I mean. Hehe. Let's just say that there were some Karma Sutra moments and people getting stripped on stage.

Naughty, naughty. :D
But hey, it's America so what do you expect? Prostitution is legalized here!

Mamma Mia! is great! I suggest that all of you should watch it should it come to Singapore again! You won't regret it! It's like a play and a concert combined! Definitely worth the buckeroos!

The next day, we packed our bags and bade goodbye to Vegas... on a private jet! That's right. The hotel was nice enough to provide us with about 5 jets 'cos our group was so big (there's like 60 of us including family and friends). So yeah, riding on a private jet was so COOL!!! Oh my gosh, I heart the swivel seats where you can swivel them and face the person sitting beside you. And, everything looks so shiny and golden and you don't have annoying people around you! Ahh, the life!

After about an hour plus, we touched down in Colorado and made our way to this village called Vail! So for the next few days, we've been going skiing in the mountains and stuff. I think my ski instructor is great! He's like a grandpa who skis really, really well. Well, I mean he has been coaching for about 20 years. Even though I didn't get a hot ski instructor (I'm such a shallow person!) that coached me in Japan last year, I didn't mind at all!

Bob, my instructor, kept reminding me not to make “old shit turns” and I kept laughing whenever he mentioned that. Cos, you know, when you ski you need to go in “S” formations to make sure you don't skid off the edge of the mountain and die. As long as you're in control, you can ski! Yups.

Bob, you rock!!!
Oh yes, there was this new instructor that joined us yesterday too and she just helped me along. Hehe. Thanks Laura, for reminding me to be ANGRY when I'm skiing and to put my arms out like I was going to punch somebody. ARGGHH. ME ANGRY!

I'll be skiing for the next few days before jetting off the Los Angeles.
Yeah, I hope I don't wear myself out too much! Skiing is fun but very tiring! Oh, and I think my body parts will suffer cos they keep getting frozen. Ooops.

Oh yeah. let me just mention that it is fucking freezing around here. That's the only way I can describe the weather here.

It was so cold yesterday that it was almost -20 plus degrees celcius!
I think if I pee outside my pee will turn into icicles.
Haha.

Alright, will update soon!
Heart y'all! :D

2008-12-11T15:37:00.002+08:00

Spotted.

I’m blogging! :D
That’s a good sign because it shows that I’m still alive. I just survived a 3.5 hour, 12-course dinner AND cake at a Hong Kong restaurant. Oh man, I could have died stuffing my face with all that food.

Anyways, I spent the first day rotting in the plane. Took my family 17 hours just to reach Las Vegas. So right after we were sent to our room at Wynn Hotel, we were whisked off to MGM Grand nearby to have fine dining at Joel Robuchon. It’s a French restaurant and the guy is a 3-star Michelin Chef who whips up these crazy French fare. Some food was just too high class for my palate though. But!!! The Kobe beef was the bomb.

So after dinner, we went nearby to the hotel’s theatre to catch David Copperfield! Yeah, he looks like an uncle who doesn’t bother to dress up. But the tricks weren’t too bad, though I’ve seen him do many of his tricks on television. Hmm. But he’s really funny though and he made a car appear on stage so that was really cool.

Okay, so that’s basically all for the first day. The next day we went to the shooting range to shoot live rounds using guns. I got to use a handgun and I thought it wasn’t too bad. I can murder some people right now. Killer instinct. Heh.

In the evening, we watched this magnificent performance in our hotel called Le Reve which was staged by Cirque Du Soleil. Omg, the thing about Vegas’ theatres is that, they build the theatre for the performance. Now this theatre was amazing because it didn’t have a stage. The stage is an actual fountain! It was so eye-opening and I think it is the best performance that I have seen so far!

Alrights, so yesterday and today I went shopping. Oh, I caught Stomp Out Loud yesterday at Planet Hollwood too. Yupps.

That’s abourrit. I don’t have much time on this comp so whatever. I’ll be watching Twilight in the cinema tomorrow and catching Mamma Mia!

Okay, will blog again when I have the time!

P.S.
DAMMIT I MISSED GOSSIP GIRL! =(
iT'S 10 DECEMBER HERE.
i HAVE AN EFFING FEVER.

2008-12-07T00:32:00.001+08:00

Land of gossip girl

Bag in hand.
Luggage in tow.

The long flight away from home to a new land.
A new land with new faces and places and much more.
I’m missing home already!

It’s gonna be a long ride, but we will reach there eventually.
Well, there’s always a new experience waiting for all of us.

Anyways…

I’m going to live it up like an Upper East Side-r!
Yes, Siree!

Will try to update while I’m overseas!
Keep checking back again!

You know you'll miss me.
XOXO.

2008-11-28T11:39:00.001+08:00

Such is life

It was a boring moment for me a few days ago. Before I drowned in all that boredom, I whipped out my handphone and scrolled through my SMSes. I’m the kind of person who keeps messages that invoke feelings in me. Be it a happy message that makes me smile or one that reminds me of a beautiful memory that occurred at some point in my life. It seems my messages represent different turning points in my life, most from the past year anyways, since I stupidly lost my handphone last year. This phone is but a virgin to me.

Now, as I scrolled through the messages, I realised something. There were these few messages I received that were total opposites of each other. The first few were messages that were filled with joy and I felt happy reading them. But the following messages, they were a total nosedive from the previous few. They made me feel that I was needy; it felt as though there was desperation scribbled all over those messages.

So… what? I need emotional enlightenment now? I need to be reminded of what are the important things that you need in your life… and I need them?! Somehow, it involves me.

I think I am an amazing person actually. Call it self-praise or whatever. Come to me for some sordid advice on “Letting your social life go up in smoke in 7 days.” I’d be glad to help. Trust me, I checked the date of the messages (it was a span of a week) and I MARVELED at the fact that I had such an accomplishment. I was amazed at how I completely ruined my life in 7 days and how it aaaaaaaaalllllllllllllll went downhill from there.

I had an epiphany! :D
I seem to be having lots of those nowadays. Anyways, friends, from now on, this brace-faced bitch here ain’t gonna be revealing any shit to you. No no, you can beg and grovel or execute whatever demeaning act you want to do to yourself, I don’t exactly… let me find the word. Hmm. Care.

Why the switcheroo you may ask? Well, sometimes when you reveal stuff to people, you want to have that protective bubble around you, right? Like, you just want to be enclosed to have people backing you up and giving you support… etc.

But, I realised that they are the exact people that I have been hurting.That’s right. Thank me, because I refuse to let you guys be the ones who have to feel burdened with all my crap. Because I know you guys want to find out my reasons… but others want your help to know about me to help them acquire something about me through you. And I can’t let that happen!

I will not let you feel cornered.
I know I sound like a mood-swinging, PMS-y S.O.A.B.
But I’m all for your welfare.
So deal with it.

2008-11-26T20:08:00.003+08:00

We can just pretend.

"If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!
If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!
If you’re happy and you know it and you really want to show it, if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!"

Amidst the resounding applause, my ear drums were nudged by a niggling voice from my side.

“But I’m not happy, why should I clap?” he asked.

“Well,”

I contemplated.

Speechless; something clicked in me in that moment. It did make sense. But I couldn’t keep quiet for long; silence meant affirmation but it also meant that I had resigned to my lack of acuity.

I continued speaking, half-clapping while trying to find the voice in my head.

“Er… that’s right; you shouldn’t clap if you’re not happy. But you can pretend.”

I paused. What did I just put into that kid’s mind?
For the record, the kid did clap along. But my way of convincing him? Not all that good.

But I learnt something, I really did. I learnt that I cannot allow others to live in the world I’m in and I cannot let them feel the way I do. It is impossible to do so, in my opinion.

Maybe, just maybe, I seek to find comfort in that familiarity. Although I think, it is warped. My familiarity is warped.

And I don’t intend to correct that anytime soon.

A song that connects with me, and I think fits this post really well.

Mayday - 你不是真正的快乐

Click here to download

你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳
你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯完全的愈合

We can just pretend, we can just pretend.
Yeah, yeah.
*clap clap*

2008-11-18T23:28:00.003+08:00

Up and down

I’m gonna share with everyone some things that cheered me up last week.
Although the euphoria was… temporary, it felt good.

Well, first up was class service learning at Cairnhill CC. We were volunteers for this annual party for children with disabilities. Each of us was assigned to one child and basically we had to take care of the kids during the event. Hmm, well a lot of things happened because my kid is a total brat. But that was initially, he warmed up to me in the end and we had a lot of fun together in the end. My kid doesn’t have any disabilities but he was just super hyper. It doesn’t help when there is like, free flow of popcorn and candy floss? How can the kids not be hyper? Anyways, yeah, I spent the entire day following him around, I felt like a domestic helper at times, but I didn’t mind!

I must say that it was indeed a memorable day for all of us who were there. You just get this sense of satisfaction from doing volunteer work. Oh, my feet hurt like shit at the end of the day but it was totally worth it. Yups.

Shall post pictures once I get them!

Even if you’re not a fan of gossip girl, just watch it!
It’s hilarious!

Blair’s Confession

And finally, I have a new game for all of you to try out!
It’s really funny and fun!

http://www.superobamaworld.com/

...
...
...

Thanks Matt.
Don't feel like death and misery kay?

2008-11-14T13:12:00.003+08:00

PSLTC 2008

This is the THIRD time that I have attended Peer Support Leadership Training Camp (PSLTC). Oh man, I feel old already. Yep, I attended one to get my red shirt, one for my black shirt and this time, as an old boy! =(

Too bad I missed last year’s though, I bet it was just as fun!

Anyways, I wanna thank Ms Tang, all the juniors, SPSLs, Sec 4s (all the best for O’s!), fellow J1s and the J2s who made that day a memorable one! Imagine that, Victorians from Sec 2 all the way to J2 all congregated in our lovely canteen that night. Coolness.

Initially, I only wanted to go for the BBQ and catch up with everyone. But hey, I was convinced by the rest to stay the night and help out with the night walk.

So we started off the night walk segment by watching some Korean horror movie which bored me. I’m sorry but I really didn’t think that it was scary at all, y’all. Some people were really timid though. My fellow J1s were hiding behind the sofa when they were watching! You guys know who you are, haha!

I ended up sleeping through the movie because I had a slight flu that day so I was really tired out. But not tired out enough to help out with the night walk, of course.

Started off the night walk with me, Hans, Chin Boon and Yun Jun being assigned to the gym toilet. The tiny, stinky toilet that was roach-infested in the corner and not the one with the showers in it. I never knew that toilet existed though.

Hans and I went to hide in one of cubicles and just did a lot of stupid things to scare the juniors. This guy freaked when we made noised like flushing the toilet, banging the doors and making squeaky noises with the door lock. He lost it and banged our cubicle door when he heard the noises. Hans and I were like, “What…?”

Anyways let me list out some of the weird antics of the juniors.

The “Open door” guy:
This guy took ages to get out of the gym toilet. He spent like 5 minutes grabbing the toilet dustbin and a brick to hold open the toilet door before going in.

The “Kick the toilet door” guy:
Kicked the toilet door open TWICE before making his way in.

The “Talk to himself “guy:
Walked into the toilet chanting phrases like, “This is just a toilet, I’m just doing a night walk…” etc.

The Stomper:
Made his way into the toilet and stomped on the ground a few times to make loud noises before approaching the paper to sign his name.

Er, okay. There were many other weird actions as well. Honestly, I think the juniors need to chill and take on the night walk as it comes. I don’t think Hans and I did a lot of scary actions? We’re not as scary as others, really.

People, if you meet Danial during your night walk… you’re in for some scary shit. I even got scared by Danial!

Oh yes, Safi and I had a great time sneaking into the tennis court and scaring the juniors as they were walking to the sand pit. That was the first time that I ever sneaked into the tennis court. It was so exhilarating!

We finally ended the night walk at around 4.30 a.m. I sacrificed my beauty sleep okay?!

Pictures!

Shervin and Weng Keong!
Thanks for the great, perfectly cooked food and setting aside all those food for us!

Hans, I think Marcus feels you look better that way!
Just kidding!

Now what's a camera, me and Hans gonna do together?!
We camwhore, y'all.

So fierce, Hans.
The chicken wings remind me of how the juniors played with their chicken wings by making the chicken wings "Fall in", "Squeeze" and "Adjust".
That was super lame!

Thanks for the chicken wings! =D
We ate sooo much!
No more chicken wings for me for the next few days.

Introducing... Megan! Cuteness personified!
Ms Tang, what did you feed her?!
She grew up so fast!

Hans and Megan!

Megan and I!
Hans, you're so bad at taking pictures!
Tsk.

Hans, Marcus, Ren An, Yun Jun, Marcus, Safi and I!
I giggled when I looked at Ren An's expression! Heh.

I like this picture best! =)

Thanks a million, everyone!

Because Victorian PSLs make sure that:
You never stand alone.

2008-11-10T18:56:00.002+08:00

Cra(m)p!

The water rushed over his body as he parted the water with his hands.
He had been swimming the breaststroke for the past 30 minutes and he was bored.
He was bored of repeating the same movements over and over again.
Kick, push and take a breath.

“It’s been a long time since I last swam,” he thought.
“I should try the freestyle; it’s been a while since I last did that.”

He took a deep breath and pictured how it was like to swim the freestyle.
“Do I lock my knees or not? Oh heck, I’m just going to go for it.”

Like a baby, he focused his energy at his feet and started kicking. As he kicked, he propelled himself forward and continued to slice through the water with his hands.

A jolt of pain ran through his foot. What’s a little pain?
He continued pushing through the water and felt glad that he could still execute movement with the swimming style that he had not tried out for such a long time.

He kicked and kicked and created huge, lovely white foam in the water, surrounded by a vortex of bubbles.

Ooh. This is fun.

And in a split second, that fun and happiness dissipated as pain surged through his foot.

Cramp! Oh crap.
At a time like this?!
Now?!
What is the world coming to?

Restricting the movement in his aching foot as much as possible, he swam to the edge of the pool and carefully climbed out.

As he removed his goggles from his head, he pulled out a few strands of his hair.
Ow, thanks.
So he hobbled towards a chair and sat down. But the pain wouldn’t go away. He shook and rotated his foot a little. Ain’t working…

Alright, drastic measures then.
He sat down on the stony ground and stretched out his foot, pressing the ball of his foot against the wall.

Push!!!
He pushed and pulled his foot countless times against the wall till the pain subsided.
He cracked a smile.
He felt like a pregnant woman in labour.
Well, you gotta do, what you gotta do.

Ah, relief.

If only all problems could be solved so easily.

We never know the worth of water till the well is dry.
– Thomas Fuller

2008-11-04T17:21:00.003+08:00

High School Musi-cale

Caught HSM3 last week.
It ain’t half bad, quite touching at some points in the movie. The lady who sat in front me was sobbing while she watched the show. Watch it for the great choreography and songs, ignore the story plot though. It’ll probably just zoom past over your head anyway while you listen to the songs.

Before the show, hung out with the others for a while and we chatted, joked, and laughed. Amos tagged along as well. Anyways, one conversation between Jun Hao and Amos went something like this:

Amos was first asking about HSM because he didn’t catch the first 2 movies.

JH: *talks about HSM fervently*
Amos: Chey, like that only? You should go down to my HDB flat then.
JH: Why?
Amos: Well, at the bottom of my house got a lot of WILD CATS what.
JH: *stunned*

I started to imagine some really disturbing images involving wild cats… erhem.
Laughed damn hard as well, haha.

Okays some pictures!

JH, what are you doing?!
Tsk, tsk.

I am not trying to kiss Vanessa "I'm-not-so-innocent-but-I-like-acting-like-a-virgin" Hudgens.
I was trying to pose like her!
Failed miserably though.
Ended up with a sore shoulder.
Ouch.

Me, Zheng Hui and Jun Hao.
I look weird here...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a happier note...

Project Work is over for the year!

Yeah!
I'll dedicate another post to that another time!

I did something nice today.
It feels nice and uplifting.(:

2008-10-29T20:50:00.013+08:00

Deepavali 2008

How many of you have had the chance to celebrate Deepavali with your friends? Not many I think. Anyways, my classmate, Priya, invited us to her house on Monday for lunch. We tucked into awesome finger food and Indian snacks which were really wonderful! Also, we had an awesome spread for lunch, mostly spicy food but I didn’t mind! All the food was really good! One of my dear classmates was just waiting to pounce on more food, but she was too shy to do so. Guys, I think you know who I’m talking about!

Yeah, so we spent the day eating, drinking, chatting and catching HSM on Disney. Don’t know why but they were telecasting all the movies that day. Spent some time playing cards too! So after lunch, we played around some more and then we surprised Ying Loo with a birthday cake!

Yep, some of the girls spent their Sunday to bake a wonderful chocolate cake for her birthday! Alrights, enough of my rambling! I shall post some pics now!

Oh yes before that, I would like to take Priya and her family for being so amazingly hospitable and everyone who was there that day!

Smile! :D

Can you feel the excitement?
I'm so glad my hand wasn't there.

The cake!
Next time can set up cake shop!
Just remember to give me disocunt!

Sc, be careful with that!
But, why is everyone smiling?
Scary, y'all.

Happy 17th YL!
All the best and jiayous!

Class pic with Miss Li!
Looks like a family portrait with three matriarchs in the front!

Playing Heart Attack.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Made my day!
Happy Deepavali everyone! (:

2008-10-26T20:15:00.003+08:00

I don't know what to write for this damn title.

Hi, do you guys know what pain is?
Physical pain, mental pain, unpleasantness and emotion.
We suffer all the same.

To me, physical pain is but transient.
Emotional pain is truly where the heart of all evils reside.
Deep down there in your chest, the hurt, the grief, that tugging feeling at your organs.

You feel cornered. Claustrophobic! You try to run to escape but it doesn’t seem to dissipate. What if… you need help from others, but, but, they add on to your pain? You don’t want to take that foot forward. You’ll fall down a deep crevice. As you fall, you want to hold on to something, but get hurt in the process. Spiralling, spiralling, spiralling…

No one wants to feel vulnerable. It’s a sign of weakness. People will find that weakness off you and use it against you. What will they do?

They’ll stab you. Do you not see? THEY WILL STAB YOU.
Now go ahead, laugh. Laugh at my naivety.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Retreat.
We retreat when we feel that the battle cannot be won. Oh yes, hide, hide!
Let’s all be cowards. It doesn’t change the damn fact that we still exist in this world. Do you not see? The battle still rages on, with or without your presence.

Emo.
Freak.
Crazy.
Scary.
Psychopath.

Haha.
What a joke!
What a freakin’ joke!
I never knew that I’d be associated with such words in my life. Never.

Haha, but its true, I mean if you think that such words represent me.
Then go ahead, stick that label on me. Go on.

I’m puzzled. Heh.
And highly amused. (:

2008-10-17T20:06:00.003+08:00

Shout

American Idol Top 8 Season 7 - Shout To The Lord

I shall not say, “Do not cry,” for not all tears are an evil – Tolkein

Hey friend.

How’re you doing up there?
I wonder if time passes faster, slower, or at the same pace up there.
Do emotions exist there?

Hope you’re doing fine!
It was a harsh reality that we all had to face last year.
We were sad. All of us. But we had to be brave.

As I’m typing this, I’m looking back at the post I dedicated to you last year. It still brings back a lot of emotions to me. Sometimes, I look back and reflect about what I did when the incident happened. I mean, I try not to harp on it, but you can’t ever forget such things right?

It’s been a year already.
The sadness lingers on in tiny packages in my mind.

I think I was really lucky to have known you for that short period of time.
You were totally different from what I had imagined you to be.
Hmm. I really am at a lost of words now.

But whatever it is, I wish you well.
Our hearts go all out for you!

And I’ll say it again as I did last year.

Wherever you may be now, I wish you an everlasting peace, and may the Victorian Spirit be with you.

God Bless You.

Nil Sine Labore.

For you, we remember.
We are all made up of memories.

2008-10-12T19:16:00.002+08:00

Close your eyes

Wow.

Can you believe it’s been exactly a year since I last graduated from VS?
I’ll never forget that day because it was a day when everyone was so high and it was just simply awesome. Graduation Day 2007 was a day that tore me both ways in my emotions. It was a day when I just experienced all kinds of emotions. But, that happiness is tied very closely with that of sadness and pain as well.

Let’s look back and reflect.
Reminisce.

Feel it.

2008-10-08T23:54:00.002+08:00

Please don't say you're sorry

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

2008-10-04T23:12:00.001+08:00

Undo.

The previous post was, well… something different.
“I’m okay, really.”
Gosh I love saying this to assure people. It makes me all tingly and fake inside.

Well, that picture was me being drugged by medication and having a really bad case of conjunctivitis. It was a real torture.

If life had an “undo” button, what would be some of the things that you would change?
Would you go back to your past mistakes and correct them?
Or would you screw up the lives of others to make yourself feel better?

I lean towards the former as I am tempted to execute the latter.
Oh the exhilaration.

La question c’est voulez-vous?
The question is, “Would you?”
“Oui.”

I am not well. Definitely, I suppose there might be a solution to this. I might try it out but I’m afraid to. It’s rather weird.

The past week hasn’t been a good one either. I have such bad and mean thoughts about others. But I foresee worse scenarios in the coming weeks.

This is only round one, oui?
There are many more rounds to come in my life.

I know that.
But if I get knocked out in the first round, then how am I going to continue with the others?

Pain, pain, you’re not going away!
I know you’re coming again.
Haunt me again for many more days.
Oh how I revel in that thought.

You’ve laid your eyes on me, now shred me into bits.

I’m waiting. (:

2008-09-21T13:55:00.004+08:00

爱, 无力

Real?

Supposed to be...?

Me?

Are we ever genuine?

I’m scared.

我的心如此无力。

2008-09-06T10:53:00.003+08:00

Teachers' Day 2008

In the morning, had teachers' day celebrations in TJ. First up, we had ACES day which was just a mass dance session. Wasn’t in the mood for any mass dancing at all that day. Hmm. We had about an hour in the morning for civics bonding with our form teacher so we sort of had a mini class party and camwhore time together. I think most of us had fun! So after that we had a teachers’ day concert which was hilarious and I think all of us enjoyed ourselves very much!

Ok some photos from that day:

Kent, Bryan and Junhao.
This picture looks cute, somehow!

A group of them crowding around a newspaper article about TJ.

*coughs*
Scandalous moment!

Class guys with Ms Li!

Class photo!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Headed back to VS after that to catch up with teachers and collect my testimonial. VS was swarming with tons of VJ people! Anyways, most of the time was just chatting with people, catching up with teachers and taking lots of photos. After photo takings and all, we went out to have lunch! So yeah that’s about it. I’ll let the pictures do the talking. I think lots of the teachers and my fellow friends want the photos from me.

Help me send the teachers the photos if you guys know their emails okay?

Coooollllliiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
Cheong!
You ah, just disappear to VJ!
Tsk.

Mrs Setho, Moi, Rayson and JX!

ZP wants a piece of Eddie.
Scandalous!

Qamarul shows you how big his eyes are!
Okay, I lost.

Syamil with his USM fierce look.
I just have a slut face.
Hah.
Okay, I'm kidding.

Ms Yeo (to Chester): Eh, don't stand so near me! Later your girlfriend gets jealous!
Chester: Aiya, it's okay, later Wai Lit gets jealous!
Ms Yeo: *chides Chester or something*

Me: o.O

Mini class photo with Ms Raksha and Mrs Setho!

JX, what are you doing with Kia Hong?!

Photo with Ms Leow.
Qamarul being a camwhore and extra-ing.

Chester, don't need to show show your secret desire for Ms Leow!
Hurhur.

Picture with Mrs Bala and her daughter!
She came back from Australia for a visit!

Next time, VS students will have Geog lessons about Australia!
Heh.

Okays, that's abourritt!!!
*Puts a smiley*
=)

2008-08-30T23:27:00.001+08:00

You run, you duck and you hide.

Sunday.

I lay on the sofa in the comforts of my rustic family room. The metal foldable table a few steps away was strewn with notes and books. A pen here, a pencil there and my trusty highlighter littered the table.

My eyes felt like they were on fire. Mucous oozed out from my eye sockets and tears welled up and flowed fast and free every few seconds.

It almost seemed like life was seeping out of me, bit by bit. My eyes were bloodshot red. I felt possessed by the devil. I looked up at the ceiling; a vast expanse of white. In my mind, I whispered my thoughts to God. If a blank white space was the last thing I see, I would be content. You never know, I may wake up blind the next day because life is unpredictable and cruel… Maybe I would “see” the world in a better light…

I feel consumed by misery.

Why, world, why?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

World, I loved you.

2008-08-20T19:17:00.002+08:00

TWENTY-OH-EIGHT, Y'ALL.

Today is a special day because it is 20/08/2008!
And it is also…

OUR CG BIRTHDAY!!!

Happy birthday 20/08!

You guys rock!
All the best in promos!
May we bond more as a class in the many months to come! (:
Send me all the photos please!

2008-08-17T11:35:00.004+08:00

Dear friends, so long

My blog posts have been really outdated recently. Just like my school work. Let me think what I wanna write about now… Hmm.

It’s been a while since I’ve actually bothered about religion. I mean it’s all around me, if you know what I mean. And for the past 2 months, I haven’t been going to church at all, simply because I have lost the will to. But for the past 2 weeks, I’ve been trying my best and making a conscious effort to attend mass.

And thanks to my friend who’s been there helping me along the way.
You know who you are.

Sometimes, when we feel that life is a circle, we lost track of things and we lose ourselves. The start, the end, the middle, they just go round in loops. Then you think… I want to go back to being myself… whoever that is. I think I need to re-discover my faith for now… at least to tide me through for the rest of the year.

I want to go shopping again one day. I wanna go brunching with my friends again someday. But for now, I think I need to start cutting people out of my life. That’s Nicolas, you see, easily distracted by people and things around him. That’s why he fucking FAILS.

And I need to change as a person. Apparently people are annoyed that I keep using certain words in my speech. I’m sorry if I have offended you. That’s how I express myself, friends.

Shall I start this week?

I can’t cut people out of my life; I have stuff like PW which requires people interaction… dammit. I wanna be left alone for a while.

Fuck-fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck.

This is so annoying.
--------------------------------------------------

Back track to last week.
We had national day celebrations in TJ that day. I must say it was rather interesting with a proper concert and all. Hated the loud music, loved the comic moments of the performers. Overall, a lovely and happening day that I enjoyed tremendously.

Didn’t manage to take much photos cos I was in the mood for any click happy moments.

Here’s some:

Our very own UG march past.
Ade’s in the middle (in blue) with Benji beside her.
I can describe it in one word: FIERCE.

Group picture! =D
If you look close enough, we all have red hair!
Yeah, we got our hair spray-painted.

After National Day celebrations, we hopped over to marina square to catch Money No Enough 2 which wasn’t half as bad as I thought it would be. Though I swear I could have rolled my eyes so hard at some lame sketches in the show until my eyeballs popped out.

But watching some scenes really did bring me back to incidents that happened in the past and stirred the emotions in me. Hmm.

Oh yes, and walking along City Link mall in a group of 5 with red hair and all really attracts A LOT of attention. We looked like some beng + lian gang trying to pick a fight with people. Coolness.

So if you want to attract a lot of attention when you’re walking along Orchard Road, you know what to do! (:

2008-08-09T13:49:00.005+08:00

I'm not yours, I'm fat.

Just had a crazy week with long, drawn out days and oodles of tests!
So very exciting, y’all.

Anyways, this long weekend will be anything but.
Tons of things to do and many more tests coming up next week. I’m gonna have a hell of a time burying my face in books. This is weird but, I can’t seem to post happy posts anymore. It’s really disturbing actually. I’ve been drafting out lots and lots of emotion-driven posts in my head over the past few days but I shan’t post any, lest I make your day worse. I mean, I’m not the saddest creature on earth, right?

So let me back track for a little.
Speech day last Saturday was well, awkward. Was it nostalgia, jealousy, the inability to socialize or something? I don’t know. It was wildly weird. But I would say it was nice to catch up with friends and teachers alike. Oh yes, the teachers commented that I looked/grew fatter. Er, okay thanks! It’s been a really long time that I’ve been called fat.

It was the first (and last!) time that I have gone on stage during speech day to receive and award that embodies the years that I spent in Monitors’ Council. I guess it was recognition that I had done some things that actually helped make a difference in school. Mmmhmm.

Okay, I don’t wanna make this a long post so here are the pictures!I got some of the photos off other people’s blogs and photo albums so thanks y’all!

I'm trying to look proper in my TJ blazer.
I tried!

Hans, Ernest, Bryan and Mu Yao.
I don't know what Ernest is pointing at...

Mu Yao is looking diabolical!

Mu Yao and I!

Marcus and Bryan.
I want your fringe, Marcus!

Hans & I!

Again!
Marcus is trying to get in the picture!
I think we whored like a million times.
The others must have thought we were so retarded.
Hah.

We're representing Monitors' Council, y'all! (:

It's so hard to find a fellow TJCian!
Here's Bryan!
Looking good.

Danial and I!
Thanks for the picture! (:

Alumni shot!

=)

PS
Sorry about all the red-eye shots!
Bad camera!
I think my medal is pretty! =D

Happy National Day, y'all!

2008-08-01T23:11:00.002+08:00

Bye Past

“What’s past is past.”
- Charlie

from Charlie has a dream, Pedro asks a question and Madam waits by the door.

I am sorry that I do not comprehend the actions and thoughts of my fellow humans. It’s hard to let go of the past, but holding on to something that is beyond our ability to keep is plain stupid. Putting in the time, money, energy to create a picture of the past --- precious resources that we all need to pursue our future is plain stupid. But a past we try to mould again is but a veil, a shadow of what it is supposed to be. Heck, it is nothing like what we want it to be.

I am sorry that some people just cannot seem to let go. I want to say that I feel you, but I can’t. I feel sympathetic that you are unable to move on with your life. It’s quite pathetic really, trying to replicate your past when you know you simply can’t. But what is more detestable is that, you drag others down with you. You put others into your picture without considering the fact that not everyone wants you in theirs.

I am sorry that I have tried my best to put aside differences and move on.
I am sorry that I bother. I am sorry that I feel like I am being taken advantage of. I am sorry that I need to bear the burdens of others when there is simply no need to.
I am sorry that it is not in my nature to abandon others in the lurch. I am sorry that I condemn such behavior. I am sorry that people don’t want you in to be in their pictures. I am sorry that people are self-destructive. I am sorry that people give up when they simply don’t need to. I am sorry that I cannot guide your direction in life. I am sorry that I feel responsible for your life. I am sorry that I feel inclined to be sorry. I am sorry that I need to experience “I need to bang my head on the wall” mood swings coupled with waves of depression. I am sorry that others are getting bored of my complaints and small talk. I am sorry that I need to confide in others. I am sorry that I need to use this blog to vent out the emotional scars in my life.

I am sorry I am Yee Zheng Wei Nicolas.

I am sorry that I am not you.

I dread tomorrow.
Goodnight.

2008-07-20T19:28:00.002+08:00

Whuut?

Started term 3 off with schoolmates coming up to me and asking, “Is that you in Broader Perspectives?” or “Hey, I saw your picture in Broader Perspectives!” these questions were met with question marks that grew larger and larger as people threw questions at me. I was like, uh, I don’t know? EduSave sorta fucked up on me so I haven’t received a single copy of the magazine.

Anyways, thanks to my classmate for lending me her magazine! Finally, I saw my picture and there is one word that can describe it: UNGLAM.

Nice magazine cover, no?

This is a picture of VS Cross Country 2006.
Err, yes as you can see I look absolutely retarded with a capital “R”.
Chester’s beside me and on the right you can see WJ and ZP.
Oh yes, and let’s not forget our seniors who are cheering around the flags.

I wanted to sue Broader Perspectives for using such a fugly picture but I can’t because the picture they used is from creative commons on flickr.com. That means anyone can reprint the photos without worrying about any copyright issues. Well then, I shan’t pursue the matter.

Ok I need to let out a lot of emotions right now but I won’t add it to this post. I’ll leave it to another time then.

-Random-
I'm currently doing a P.E. MCQ tutorial for E-learning.
It's a tutorial about the Olympic Games.
How exciting!